Wednesday, April 20, 2011

2 Penis Stories

Like me, my father is a physician. He did his residency many years ago, back in the days when residents were real cowboys, who worked ungodly hours and without ancillary services.

But he generally doesn't tell me any stories about his hard work or any miraculous lives saved. Mostly the stories he tells me are about penises. At least, the ones I remember.

He told me a story about a patient he had who was a hard stick, but they really needed blood. They tried getting blood from both arms and even the feet. No luck. So where did they get finally blood from? The dorsal vein of the penis.

Moral: Don't blow all your veins because the consequences are HORRIBLE.

He had another story about how he was putting a Foley in a patient during a call, and forgot to pull down the foreskin again when he was done. The patient got a terrible rash and he felt really bad about it.

Moral: If you're an uncircumcized male, request an uncircumcized male to put in your Foley. Or alternately, a woman experienced with such men.

10 comments:

  1. Thats so funny..."a woman experienced with such men"!!
    Where might I meet someone like that because the dating sites I am on arn't working!!!

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  2. Oh. My. I'm female and that first one made me cringe haha.

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  3. I'm sorry, but I totally got hung up on the part where you started talking about penises and then said that the first guy was "a hard stick".

    That's what she said.

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  4. Lolz to kate- I went to the exact same place. Priceless stories sir.

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  5. I've been in Medicine a long long time.(Nixon was President when I started)I've heard tales around the coffee pot of using the dorsal vein for various things. I've never seen it done, or met anyone who would claim they had done it, once they sobered up.

    Even before fancy wire-guided introducers and ultrasound guidance, a central line was faster, more reliable, and didn't involve handling naughty bits.

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  6. What, they don't teach about the foreskin in med school? So the real moral is, if you're an uncircumcized male, request... a nurse. =B^)

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  7. The dorsal vein, seriously? Damn! I shudder to think what happens to cases of priapism

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  8. "a hard stick".... hahaha that had to have been a pun, right?

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