I didn't have the energy to turn this into a cartoon.....
I propose that all pre-meds, as part of their coursework undergo a class entitled "The Med School Experience." These will be the components of the class:
Overview of the Med School Experience:
1) Students will be forced to take a full courseload in addition to this course
2) Students will carry a pager with them at all times and will receive no less than 20 pages in any given evening, at least 25% of which will be during dinner hours and the other 25% during sleep.
3) Pages will by made by teaching assistants, who will be asking permission when they want to eat, go to the bathroom, or go to sleep. If the teaching assistants wake up during the night, they must page the students for permission to go back to sleep. If any injury is sustained, such as a papercut, the students must go to the teaching assistant's room to evaluate it.
4) Students will wake up every morning at 4AM and have to report to a designated location by 4:30AM, where they will have to stand in one place holding a metal object for 5 to 6 hours. If they move at all, they will be berated for several minutes, sent out of the room to wash their hands 100 times, then come back and continue holding the metal object.
5) During regular daily courses and sections, students must remain standing at all times.
6) Every four nights, students will stay awake all night. Every few hours, the student will be paged and an angry, smelly, drunken man will read them a page from the encyclopedia, which they must memorize. At noon the next day, the students will be quizzed extensively on the pages from the encyclopedia in front of a group of their peers.
7) Every day or so, a student will be paged to speak to a parent of a teaching assistant who will yell at them continuously for about 20 minutes for all the problems they've had with their child over the years.
8) If for any reason, a student is sick and cannot fulfill his duties, he must pass on his pager to another student, who must take on double responsibilities for that night.
9) All meals must be finished in ten minutes or less.
10) Students will have two opportunities during the day to go to the bathroom. Before going, students must ask the permission of a teaching assistant. On their way to the bathroom and while inside the bathroom, they will be paged repeatedly. If they don't return those pages within one minute, they will be in danger of failing the course.
11) There will be only four days off per month. One of those days will be the first day of the month and one will be the last, so they will otherwise work 14 days in a row.
12) At some point during the course, students will be dumped by their significant other or undergo some other personal tragedy. At that time, their grades in all their other course will automatically drop to 65 and they will require at least an 80 average on their next set of exams in order to keep from repeating the entire year.
13) Every day, students will give foot massages to the members of whatever athletic team has been playing the longest, sweatiest game that day.