Wanted to make a cartoon out of this, but just couldn't make it work. So here it is, in boring prose:
The Five Different Kinds of Consults
1. The "Out the Door" Consult
"I've got a consult for you. We're trying to figure out how to manage this patient's meds while they're in the hospital."
"But you need to see them in the next ten minutes because they're about to go home."
2. The "Afterthought" Consult
"So I've got this patient... he's pretty sick..."
"It's five o'clock. Is it OK to see him tomorrow morning?"
"No, he needs to be seen now. He's sick."
"So why did you wait till 5 to call? Never mind, what's his MR number?"
3. The "Just Because You're Here" Consult
You sit down to eat your lunch...
Someone at table: "So what service are you on now?"
You: "_____ Consult."
Someone: "Oh really? Hey, I have a consult for you..."
You: "No, you don't."
4. The "I've Blessed You With a Consult" Consult
"So I've got a really interesting patient for you..."
5. The "Least Important Consult Ever" Consult
"So I've got this patient. He's septic with pneumonia and he's been intubated. His oxygen sats are in the 70s and he's got pus filling his pleural space. He's also got heart failure."
"What's the consult for?"
"I think he has osteoarthritis is his knee."