In residency, one of our jobs on the Pain rotation was to return messages from patients. It was one of those really, horrible jobs that everyone hated. Every phone message I returned went exactly the same:
Message: Patient would like to speak with you, they have question.
Me: "Hello, is this John Smith?"
Me: "Hi, this is Dr. Fizzy. I'm calling from the Pain Clinic."
Me: I'm returning your call."
Me: "Do you have a question for us??"
Seriously, throw me a bone here people....
And then when they'd finally come up with a question, it was always either wanting narcotics or asking, "Why am I scheduled to see you?"
Then another gem: a woman who asked us to call back with her lab results.
Me: "This is Dr. Fizzy from the Pain Clinic. You called us about your blood test results."
Patient: "I'm busy now. Can you call me back in an hour?"
Maybe I'm biased but if I had some blood test results pending and the doctor was nice enough to honor my request to call me back the same day, I wouldn't tell them to call back in an hour no matter how "busy" I was. That was incredibly rude, I thought. (All the results were normal.)