You need to read more

Who has gotten an evaluation saying that they need to read more?

*raises hand*

Before internship, I never had. I guess I was reading enough as a med student or else nobody cared how much I was reading.

Then on my first month of internship, my resident Jessica seemed to mistake my lack of confidence for stupidity. I know there are people who march into internship being totally confident, but I wasn't one of them. I was terrified of harming a patient, so I probably asked way too many questions. I was scared to give Tylenol without asking if it was okay first.

After a few days (or hours) of annoying questions from me, Jessica couldn't take it anymore. She started yelling at me that I was the dumbest intern on the planet. And worse, I was dumb because I didn't care enough to learn. Really, it was kind of the opposite. I cared so much that I felt the need to verify every little thing.

Anyway, at the end of the month, this was Jessica's evaluation of me, which I saved so that it could still hurt my feelings decades later:

No attempts to seek additional information about patient care plan/disease process. No resources utilized for most patients. Was asked multiple times through the month how she was directing her self learning but no books/resources actually obtain. She stated she planned to get UpToDate, the red Stanford book/blue Harvard book.

By the end of the month Fizzy showed some improvement but overall her medical knowledge is insufficient. In feedback, I encouraged her to read vehemently, to seek pocket resources to guide her day to day, and to be more complete in her patient work ups.

Ouch, right? That was by far the worst eval I'd ever gotten in my life. I knew my knowledge base wasn't terrible because I did extremely well on Step 2. And the truth of the matter was that I actually had the "blue Harvard book" well before the end of the rotation and showed it to her in response to her pestering me. I also told her that I had ordered UpToDate, but along with the rest of the residents in the hospital, our order was delayed due to administrative bullshit. That was apparently my fault though. And also, I guess my palm pilot (remember those?) packed with information was totally useless if I don't have the two books she considered important.

Still, it made me feel pretty bad. But later I talked to many other residents who have gotten the "needs to read more" comments, and I've come to the conclusion that there are some people who simply think their underlings need to be reading 100% of the time. Like while eating, on the toilet, etc.