I'm very, very proud to announce that I have been named one of America's Top Physicians. Per a letter I received, the prestigious Consumer's Research Counsel of America has privately collected data to determine who the best physicians in the country are.
Now I'm not clear on how their algorithm works exactly. Something about pulling names out of a hat while wearing a blindfold... it's all very technical. In any case, it's definitely not a scam. Definitely not.
And oh yes, because I've been named a top physician, I can purchase an item to display this great, great honor I've received. For example, for only $229, I can purchase "a distinguished foil stamped proclamation certificate proclaiming your achievement and containing your personal information":
But for only $50 more, I can get a Lexington cup:
"Hand cut and polished crystal sets atop a solid block of Black Crystal and a laser engraved plate with your personal information."
Truly, I couldn't buy a greater honor.