Another thing I hate about consent forms:
Back in residency, I was scheduled to do a biceps tendon injection on an elderly female patient and naturally, the first thing she said when I walked into the room was, "I've been waiting an hour."
"I'm sorry," I said. What could I say to that? Patients get so angry that they're waiting, but it's not like the resident has any control over it. Did she think I wanted to double book patients? Note to patients: we're not sitting around sipping tea while you're waiting. (And then those same patients are probably the ones who call the clinic and BEG us to overbook them for an earlier appointment.)
Anyway, I set her up for an injection and handed her the consent to sign. For every outpatient procedure in the entire hospital, we used the same standard consent form and I just wrote the procedure on one line at the top. As the patient was carefully looking over the consent prior to signing it, I let her know, "That's just the standard consent that's used for everything in the hospital."
She signed the consent and I got the supplies ready and came back to the room.
"By the way," she said to me, "I don't mean to be rude, but just so you know, you should never EVER say to a patient that it's a standard consent form."
"What?" I said, baffled.
"You should let the patient read the consent," she said, "and if they ask, then you can tell them it's the standard consent. But never tell them that." She said all this to me with this huge shit-eating grin on her face, which made the bitchiness of what she was saying very unsettling.
"Um, I let you read the consent," I said.
"I'm just telling you this so that you can learn something," she said.
What I replied was: "Okay."
What I really wanted to say was: "I have a tip for you too. It's not such a good idea to be a patronizing bitch to the doctor right before they stick a bigass needle in your arm."
God forbid she should feel that I'm rushing her at all after she already astutely noted that we were running an hour behind schedule.