Monday, February 4, 2013

Convince my husband

Over the years, I've done a fair amount of writing, as you can imagine. It's something I enjoy doing, usually more for myself than for others. I wrote a novel during my last year of college that I sent out to an agent, who really liked it and I signed a contract. Unfortunately, it didn't sell to a publisher, so... that was that.

When we were first dating, my husband read that novel and (claimed he) really liked it. Over the years, he's read a couple of other things by me that I specifically think he would like. He seems to enjoy quirky stories. For example, I wrote a story about a man who has a love affair with a housefly that he really loved.

In 2006, while I was pregnant with my oldest, I wrote a novella of about 50,000 words (maybe 120 pages). It's sort of a thriller, but it's a little hard to describe. I intentionally put in parts that were quirky in the way I knew he liked. After I finished it, I emailed it to him and told him I'd like him to read it.

That was 2006. It's now 2013 and he still hasn't read it.

He keeps saying he will. At one point, he had it on his desktop, which I think may have been just to taunt me. A few times, he's promised me he will definitely read it, but seriously, it's been seven years. I'd have to be an idiot to believe him at this point. I've written many other things, but I know he won't like them, so I haven't asked him to read any of it.

Here are his arguments for not having read it:

1) He doesn't like to read books. This is true. He doesn't read novels ever. But still, this is my novel.

2) He doesn't know when he'd find time to read it. Except it's pretty short and could probably be finished in a couple of hours instead of playing crosswords on his phone. It's not War and Peace. My writing style is pretty readable, I think.

So I need you guys to help me convince him to read my novella.

It's been seven years and he's promised to read it multiple times, so normal arguments won't work. You have to come up with something really persuasive to get him to do.

Thanks in advance!

27 comments:

  1. How do we know he's going to read this post (and the associated comments)?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point :) He always reads this blog though.

      Delete
    2. Then the answer is easy. Post it on here. :)

      Delete
    3. I think if I started posting a 100+ page story here, I'd lose readers fast. Including him.

      Delete
    4. Oh I think you should totally do it and see what happens ;)

      Delete
    5. Just post a page a day over 3 months in addition to your regular content.

      Delete
  2. Hi Mr McFizz

    With all due respect please do read the super thriller which Doc McFizz has penned down and please consider this as a Valentine's Day gift to Doc McFizz

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mr.: happy wife = happy life. She would give 2 hours of her time to make you happy.....

    ReplyDelete
  4. 2 hours of your time = stop hearing whines of your wife complaining you don't read it (including whines to others). Consider it a good deed. Ahe might even compensate you, if you know what I mean...

    ReplyDelete
  5. The fact that it has taken him this long to read it makes me think there's really something else going on here. Have you considered that he may not like your writing style and he just doesn't know how to tell you? He may be avoiding the novella in the hopes of not triggering another moment where he has to lie about his opinion of your work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think he respects me enough to be honest about his opinions. I've drawn plenty of cartoons that he's informed me weren't funny.

      Delete
  6. Dude do you understand the power you've been wasting. Picture this:

    Fizzy: *heated* Why haven't you taken out the trash? I'm tired of asking you to do things more than once.

    You: *pregnant pause* I read a 50,000 word novella for you *said softly with emphasis on the 50,000 word phrase*

    *Fizzy turns in a slow circle and collapses dramatically onto a daybed, wrist delicately draped over her brow. A single tear leaves the corner of her eye as she realizes her immense injustice. Weeping and gnashing of teeth ensue*

    *Meanwhile the heavens open up and an arc of light shoots out towards you like a spotlight. A choir of angels sing. Peace and goodwill for mankind reign on Earth for a millenia*

    It's basically the ultimate get-out-of-jail card.

    PS: Results may vary. Daybeds are a necessary ingredient

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL.. this is fucking awesome.

      Delete
  7. Very simple - read the above post to him. Point out that he's lost an important element of your trust regarding something that you enjoy. Suggest to him that regaining that trust is worth the investment of time and money, since it will improve at *least* one aspect of marital communication.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Is he bribe-able? My husband will do almost anything for batch of Oatmeal Craisin White Chocolate cookies made with REAL butter....
    Recipe on the back of the OceanSpray Craisin (original flavor) bag.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That won't work. He knows I'll make him any goody he wants without him having to do anything for it :P

      Delete
    2. Poor Fizzy! I'm so glad that I rationed the baked treats early on!

      Delete
  9. HAHAHAHA...this is hilarious.

    No sex until you read the book.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Or sex every night until you read it.

    Whatever gets the job done really.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What bothers him the most? Cuz you can just be annoying and obnoxious until he caves in and reads the book, which is when you'll stop that annoying habit of yours he loves to hate.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I lived almost your exact story. I wrote a novel several years ago, and my wife questioned whether the time I spent on it would ever pay off. I also landed an agent, but like you, no sale. The book went into a drawer, until last year I ran across the Amazon listing for "On The Island" by Tracey Garvis Graves, who at the time was self-published and among the top 100 paid books on Amazon. This success story energized both me and my wife, so I polished and polished and eventually hit the Amazon "submit book for publication" button. I ended up reading my book aloud to my wife over several successive bedtimes ... and she LOVED it!!

    Good luck with your project, and remember ... a professional writer is an amateur who refused to give up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome. How is the book doing on Amazon?

      Delete
  13. Maybe give him the novella as a gift for every holiday, birthday and special occasion? Perhaps he'll get the hint then.
    I recommended a book to my hubby after he asked to me read a book that he liked. I read his book, he has yet to read mine....that was in 2000. I don't think I can recommend anything since nothing really worked for me either.
    I have a couple of author friends who chose me as their beta readers prior to being published. If you need someone else to read your novella, I volunteer!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I don't *need* anyone to read it. I want my husband to read it because I value his opinion and wrote parts of it with him in mind. I don't expect to get this published. I think it's interesting, but the amount of work it would take to get it into a form where it could even be considered for publication would be immense. I wrote it for National Novel Writing Month, which I consider along the lines of running a marathon for fun.

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. I might be willing to post the prologue or something like that, but definitely not any more than that.

      Delete