Saturday, November 5, 2011

Guess where I'm from....

During a conference yesterday, someone brought it a breakfast of bagels. The big bag of bagels was labeled "New York Style Bagels". Actually, it was labeled "Safeway's New York Style Bagels", which is just as ridiculous as Domino's Brooklyn Pizza.

I was really hungry, so I grabbed a plain, plump looking bagel. I spread cream cheese over it and hungrily took a bite. And was shocked. "This bagel is spicy!" I exclaimed.

Everyone looked at me like I had lost my mind. I was baffled. How the hell could a bagel be spicy?? Even I thought that I must have been imagining it.

I took another bite and it was still really spicy. "It's spicy! I swear!" I said.

Finally, I forced someone to try it. He took a bite and agreed that yes, the bagel was in fact, spicy. We surmised that even though the bagel looked totally normal, it was in fact a jalepeno bagel. Now how was I supposed to know that??

There was no way I was eating a jalepeno bagel and since I clearly couldn't distinguish those from the normal plain bagels, I decided to go for a cinnamon raisin bagel. Once again, I spread cream cheese over the bagel and took a big bite.

"Oh my god, what is this?!" I cried. It definitely wasn't cinnamon raisin, that was for sure.

"You know, that's a chocolate bagel," one of the residents informed me.

Apparently, what I thought were raisins were actually chunks of solid chocolate in the bagel. I don't even like solid chocolate, so this was again unacceptable to me.

I was so frustrated. All I wanted was a normal bagel! Finally, I saw a bagel that had already been broken in half and it looked relatively normal inside. I broke off a tiny piece and nibbled it cautiously. It was a plain bagel.

So on my third try, I did finally get to have a normal bagel for breakfast. Stupid Safeway freak bagels. Believe me, this would NEVER happen in New York.


  1. I love Safeway's chocolate bagels. They're like dessert. But I understand the frustration of not knowing what you're getting. It's like biting into a chocolate thinking you're getting a maraschino cherry and discovering orange cream. Unacceptable!

  2. Yeah, I never understood the jalapeno bagel idea, either.

  3. OMG both those sound delicious! Though I'd be annoyed if I thought it was a chocolate bagel and discovered raisins - which I can ONLY tolerate in oatmeal raisin cookies, otherwise can't stand.

  4. Meh. Give me Montreal Style any day.

  5. That's hilarious Fizzy. I've never heard of a jalapeno bagel before. I like chocolate chip bagels with plain cream cheese. It only sounds gross.

  6. Thats why we Canadians, love our Tim Hortons.

  7. I totally feel you. I once had bagels at an interview in Arizona. Luckily I bonded with one of the attendings as I scoffed at them, ha!

  8. "Stupid Safeway freak bagels" is the best phrase I've heard in ages.