Rice

I do all the cooking in our house. And I use the word "cooking" very loosely. If something needs to even be microwaved, it falls to me.

A while ago, my husband wanted some rice and he asked if I could make it for him. I was busy and it was Uncle Ben's instant rice. It was the kind that's in a package and all you have to do is put the package in the microwave for 90 seconds. You don't even have to take it out of the package. I told him that I thought he could handle that on his own.

So I went into the kitchen and I see the rice is in the microwave. It's lying on its side instead of upright, but I figured that shouldn't matter. All of a sudden, I hear a really loud BANG. I looked over at the microwave:

Me: "Oh my god, the bag of rice exploded open!!"

Husband: "What? How did that happen?"

Me: "I can't even trust you to microwave a bag of rice...."

Husband: [hangs head] "But... I followed the instructions carefully..."

Me: "Did you put it in for only 90 seconds?"

Husband: "Yes!"

Me: "Well, maybe it's because you didn't put the rice upright?"

Husband: "But it wouldn't stay up!"

I pulled the bag of rice out of the microwave and examined it. "Hey, you didn't open the tab to vent the rice!"

Husband: [confused] "But I thought you're supposed to vent the rice AFTER cooking it."

Me: [reading package of rice] "Step 1, shake package. Step 2, open the tab to vent the rice. Step 3, microwave for 90 seconds. Step 4, eat the rice."

Husband: "Oh."

Me: [shakes head]