Presents

I have to be honest, I am not into presents.

I don't buy any presents. I don't receive any presents. I don't send any cards or Christmas letters or any of that.

Last year, I brought a plate of brownies to work for the holiday, but I subsequently realized that there are so many treats around now, when people bring in one more, the staff makes little vomiting gestures. So I figure I'll bring it after the holiday, when people might actually enjoy it.

When I was younger, like a teenager, I used to buy presents for my friends. But at some point, I became vehemently anti-present. And this is why:

I feel like presents, except those given to small children, are rarely appreciated. It's usually something you don't even want.

Furthermore, presents make other people feel left out. Every time I considered buying a present for someone I worked with, I realized that I'd have to give it to them in secret to keep everyone else I work with from being offended. Plus they wouldn't have gotten me something, so that would be awkward.

We got a Christmas card this year from the staff in our building. There are like eight of them. I said to my husband, "Are we supposed to give them all something?" I didn't even know who half the names were. But if I got something for one or two of them that we deal with, I'm sure the others would be insulted and, like, we'd have no heat this winter or something unexpected like that.

Same problem with daycare. There are probably like five or six float teachers that take care of my kids, plus their usual teachers, plus the directors. I knew that whatever I did, I'd probably leave someone out and make them feel slighted. Finally, I brought in three separate plates of cookies for each floor.