I am really bad at saying no.
Scratch that, I'm really good at saying no. I say no all the time. I don't let anyone push me into doing anything I don't want to do.
However, at the same time, I feel totally racked with guilt with each no that I give. Even when I feel totally justified.
For example, a couple of years ago, there was a hurricane in town. Naturally, I came to work. The hurricane wasn't supposed to hit real bad till the afternoon and I figured I could be out of work by then no problem because my census was light. Then on my way to work, I got a text from a fellow consultant asking if I could help out with consults on her floor because she had a ton of them, and wanted to leave early enough not to get whisked into the hurricane on the way home.
I said no. I mean, I didn't say an absolute no. I said that she should leave when she felt it was safe to leave, and I'd help her with the consults when the hurricane was over. These were non-urgent consults, after all, and a state of emergency had been declared. I didn't feel like I should have to stay later and risk my own life just to get through some paperwork.
The other consultant never gave me a hard time about it, and she got home safely. But I felt really guilty over my no. I could have done a consult or two for her and probably still been able to leave safely before the hurricane, especially since I didn't live that far from work. I felt like I wasn't a team player, that I wasn't available to help my fellow employee. (For the record, I did follow through do some of those consults for her AFTER the hurricane was over.)
Guilt is kind of a pointless emotion. I wish I could keep from feeling guilty whenever I say no. And a lot of other times too.
Well, that guilt probably shows that you are a better person that you give yourself credit for. But you absolutely did the right thing, in my opinion. Besides, did all those patients consulting that day even go to the hospital on that emergency day? Wasn't it better for them too to go home safe early and come back some other day?
ReplyDeleteThey were inpatient consults, so they were stuck there no matter what.
DeleteYou felt guilt because you knew you could have done it and still had your piece of cake to eat too. But, you said no anyway.
ReplyDeleteMeh, there was a hurricane. Anything goes.
Well, it wasn't like the hurricane was starting at a certain time and it was totally safe until then. It was already snowing and the later I left, the more unsafe my drive home would be, even if I "beat" the hurricane.
DeleteYou could have offered her to go over all consults together quickly and decide that they were not urgent just to reassure her. Then both went home. Your guilt probably is a sign you knew you could have done better. What if you had a lot of consults? You would have done them all or dropped them all?
ReplyDeleteIf any of the consults were urgent, it would have been the first time ever in the history of working there, so I was pretty confident of that. If they were my consults, I probably would have done them until I felt unsafe staying. --Fizzy
DeleteThen you could have helped her untill you felt unsafe staying. Sorry, its teamwork. Also how you keep your social standing
DeleteIs doing non-urgent consults with a hurricane bearing down teamwork or just idiocy?
DeleteIdiocy for sure because teamwork will be there AFTER the hurricane this is a no guilt situation in a world full of guilt
DeleteSometimes we feel guilt for a reason...
ReplyDeletePerhaps you should give When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manual J. Smith (ISBN 0553263900 ) a read? 28 years old so you can find dirt-cheap paperbacks.
ReplyDelete