I would never make a statement like, "I can't be friends with women." I love women. Aside from my husband, pretty much all my friends are women now. I like working with women better than working with men--of the people I work with, I highly prefer the women to the men. (Which is lucky, because I work with mostly women.)
That said, it occurred to me recently that of all the people I've worked with that I've had MAJOR issues with, like people who brought me to tears on a nearly daily basis, they were all women.
For example, there were two senior residents I worked with who were above and beyond mean to me. Jessica, my senior resident as an intern, was possibly the worst person I ever worked with. And then on OB/GYN, I worked with this evil little witch who was cruel for what seemed like the fun of it. I worked with a lot of male residents who were jerks and I didn't like them a whole lot, but none of them even came remotely close to those two women (or really, any of the residents on OB/GYN).
And then there was residency. There were a few male attendings who had a reputation for really being hated, but I didn't get along badly with any of them. My biggest clash was with a female attending, who came down on me really hard when I was struggling with some medical problems plus a death in the family.
When I first started working at my current job, I was in a different unit of the hospital. And I worked with this female secretary who used to literally make me cry a couple of times a week. As soon as I moved, I was much happier and I think it was largely because of this one toxic person.
As I said in the beginning, I generally prefer working with females. But it is interesting that all the really horrible people I've worked with have been female.
*No, I'm not talking about the Australian Band
Maybe you should have just smiled, and given the secretary a Vegemite sandwich?
ReplyDeleteGood one. Good to see that Australian music has infiltrated the US
DeleteI think your experience is pretty common. I like working with (most) women better than (most) men too. This is particularly the case if there's a tendency among any of the men to desire a frat boy / bromance type environment.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of bromance going on at my current job and some of the men favor the pretty incompetent girls to do their work. Maybe it's easier when you get to wear scrubs? There's a constant clothing judgment and cattiness among the women at my firm.
ReplyDeleteYes I've had the same experience too. While I, like you have mostly female good friends, and many at that, the nastiest people I've met are women. I've come to learn that some women just hate other women. I've also learnt to take it as a compliment because the only explanation is some sort of jealousy or issues on their part that drive the jealousy. It used to be odd to me since I'd never give up my girlfriends for the world!
ReplyDeleteYes! It was really eye opening when I quit my first job, and all of a sudden some of the women started being nice to me. I was told that it was because I was no longer "the competition." That's pretty pathetic, if you ask me, but hey, that's just how some women operate.
DeleteI have to admit that some people (not just women) inspire a visceral hatred in me for no good reason. I do try not to act on it though.
Yes! "I have to admit that some people (not just women) inspire a visceral hatred in me for no good reason. I do try not to act on it though." It tends to be women more than men, though...
DeleteIn residency I used to prefer working with (& supervising) guys. They were (generally) more laid back and simultaneously more dependable about getting mundane shit done. However, these days I MUCH prefer working with women---much less cocky & easier to negotiate with as you move up the chain.
I don't think it was jealousy with those evil residents. I can't imagine why they would have been jealous of me.
DeleteMaybe you were prettier/thinner/married/all of the above. Sometimes it doesn't take much.
DeleteI wasn't any of those things compared with Jessica. I was more childless... (she had a toddler)
DeleteI think that might have been enough to set her off. The idea that you were younger and was probably having a better life than her. It does take very little since it's irrational behaviour anyway.
DeleteI know how you feel. On my unit there are a few "mean girls" that get to me more than anything else.
ReplyDeleteYou must work at the Hotel. I have my own set of mean girls at work and so happy, happy, that with my own office on another floor, I can escape.
DeleteWomen know how to get under the skin of other women. And my mom, the retired nurse, found female doctors "abrasive." This was years ago, and I think there was some jealously there, plus the female docs thought they had to "prove" themselves as being just as tough as the guys.
ReplyDeleteToday, Mom has a femal internest she adores. Things change.
But women know exactly what buttons to push in other women!
Not related to this post but I saw your post in MIM -- do our kids attend the same daycare? :) I about fell over when I saw our bill, too; strange to think that a nanny is seen as fancy and daycare is economy, because I have a feeling I'd be able to easily find a FT nanny for 40K a year. Oh well. Hopefully they're learning stuff.
ReplyDelete40K maybe, depending on her hourly rate, how many hours you'd need, and whether you paid taxes on her. We did the math, and a nanny that gave us adequate coverage would cost us over.... 60K per year (including taxes). So we opted for daycare + au pair.
DeleteI stand corrected. I thought 40K would cover what we needed.
DeleteYes, a nanny would cost much more. At least $20/hour.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWell, imagine this... Working for a year in the company of couple girls and guys .. No problem! Until they saw me all dressed up in high hills and skin tight Armani dress. Next day I was an enemy 1 for all the women. So I guess if I am just dressed regular and minimal make up I am no threat :) it is so weird they all know I have a husband and I was with him in that event! Go figure! :)
ReplyDeleteMust say, I've worked for women and men, and by far, the men are less complicated and easier to have as a boss!
ReplyDeleteI am glad my boss is a man, and he's a nice man as well.
DeleteI have had great coworkers of both genders, but I will say that I think woman tend to be cattier (more catty?). Too many woman and the job place can get downright nasty (IMO).
ReplyDeleteThe worst boss I ever had was a man but so was the best boss. My current boss is a woman and we get on pretty good. I have had female bosses I can't stand though. I guess the moral is that both genders suck just for different reasons ;)
And thank you for disabling the text box verification thingy. I hope the spam isn't too bad.
DeleteI have same problem like your's .
ReplyDeleteNurse and female doctors are more kind. Care about work and less distract compare to male doctors.
When I quarrel with my colleagues about patient . It happens to be male more than female
But when it become problem outside working topic . It tends to be female more than male that use more harsh word , gossip , or stab-in-the-back method.
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ReplyDeleteTake а lοoκ at my site ..
. Chemietoilette
I am amazed at how early it all starts. I was a camp counsellor to young kids at a sleep-away camp where kids went for a month at a time (common in Canada). All of my group were under 10. The girls started forming allegiances, making deals, playing all these mental games on the shyer "not cool" girls. I preferred working with the boys. They got homesick, they just punched someone. Then they had lunch. I work with a lot of women now, but men are easier. I ask them to do something, they do it. They book appointments for follow-ups they don't just expect free phone calls to discuss topics when I haven't seen them in months. However, I think women are better group workers and better team players in general.
ReplyDeleteChiming in late but I'm a woman and I totally agree. The worst I've had to put up with from men is locker-room talk, and it was usually the younger ones who did this.
ReplyDeleteWomen, though? Every unpleasant experience at work- snide put-downs from higher-ups, angry accusations from peers- all from women. I honestly feel more comfortable working with men!