Today is my fake anniversary (long story). Happy anniversary, sweetie!
One thing I truly don't understand is how people spend so much on weddings. Seriously, I think my cousin's wedding cost $50,000. How is it in any way worth that kind of money for a ceremony that lasts like an hour? Who started this ridiculous precedent???
We had a civil ceremony, which I was very happy with. It cost under $100 and it was just about us... which made sense, considering WE were the ones getting married. We later had two separate parties to celebrate, one for family at my parents' house and one for friends in Vegas, but they were reasonably priced and relatively low stress, considering I didn't have to worry about any details of actually getting married.
For those of you who have had the big ticket weddings, do you think it was worth it?
Worse than the huge amount such weddings cost is the emotional cost to the organizers (bride, bride's mother, bride's friends) and to all the bride's co-workers. In my experience, they bring all their chores and angst and misery to the office and involve us all in the insanity. One bride had a meltdown in the office when she found out the white lace umbrella she had ordered was out of stock and would not be available in time for her wedding. I'll spare you what she subjected all of us to when the crystal figurines for the cake had to be cancelled.
ReplyDeleteI had a big fancy wedding, and it was great fun. Was it worth it? It was worth it to my mother. I am the only daughter, it was a dream come true for her, and I was fine with it. My father is an academic MD and when we were growing up we didn't have a lot of money to spare. By the time I got married my parents were more comfortable and it was something that was important for them. Weddings are not just about the 2 people getting married, they are about the families coming together. I didn't find it unduly stressful because I was able to keep my priorities straight. All I wanted was to look beautiful and end up married, and for everyone to have a great time. Mission accomplished!
ReplyDeleteDr. Alice
You're right, but I think families can come together for less than $50,000. If it truly is important to one parent or whoever to make it a huge wedding, that's fine.. but that person should be the one to pay for it.
DeleteDepending on how big the families are, two families coming together to celebrate can make a hefty bar/food/catering tab.
DeleteMeh. I know of people who had weddings that were $400 per plate for over 400 people. Unfortunately I wasn't close enough with the bride at the time to have been invited! I figure it's their money. Why should I care how they spend it?
DeleteI am planning to do similar. It is stressful enough just finding a venue to hold the party after we are married for friends and his giant family. Once that was found for a reasonable price that is not $3000 (because most venues for about 50-100 people are that expensive because of "weddings".) We are all set. I think after everything is over with the cost of flying his mother out here to visit for it from NY. We are only paying about $3,000. $2,000 is catering for all the people at our dinner party to celebrate afterwards. I could only imagine the ones who go over board with the spending and the traditional stuff. I want a house not a wedding. I wonder if my plan would be different if I could afford both. Probably not, just get better catering and maybe spend the extra $3000 to have the party at the vineyard we wanted.
ReplyDeleteIt's often a cultural thing and unless the bride/groom wants to tick off their families, the wedding has to be big and grand. And I don't know how you can do big and grand without spending big bucks.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying hard to keep our wedding under, or at 10k. I'm cutting costs on so much stuff - but that also means less stress. I don't want to be all "oh god it's finally over". I want to feel relaxed and not worry about some stupid umbrellas or figurines. It's not about the cake.
ReplyDeleteIt IS about my dress, because dammit, I like that dress. And I'm working out to get into shape to fit that dress.
It's also about, you know, love and marriage and stuff. And our families meeting each other, and doing a family reunion, and seeing a glimpse of our friends (which we may regret, depending on how much alcohol our friends consume).
But yeah. Dress, love, family, friends. But not a 2000 cake and 5000 dress and 4000 flowers and 10000 quartet/band.
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ReplyDeleteIf someday I get married. I want it to be me and the unlucky fella ;) on a mountain top surrounded by mist and a blue dusk ambiance, exchange vows and then sit together to sip some alcohol and then give the families a ring and tell them to come over to Mickey Dees for a sammich !
ReplyDeleteSamich for all -under 200
Trip to mountain top-20, gas for the Bikes
Mountain top ambiance-Priceless!
I got married in my humble living room with my love, my sister and her husband and my new step son. It was the most beautiful and heartwarming ceremony I have ever seen because it was so genuine and not surrounded by all the trappings of the day. A few months later, we had a casual reception with bbq and cupcakes. I spent about 2000.00 total for the shindig and probably could have cut more costs. I think it is is a great way to get married!
ReplyDeleteOur wedding his about $3000 total, with a lovely outdoor ceremony and some dancing, snacks, and cake at the reception. Just enough to get good pictures (that I still love 9 years later), get the family together to spend some time, and make my husband (who was the one that actually wanted a big white wedding) content. Plus, I got to ride my horse.
ReplyDeleteSounds awesome! We didn't get married outside, but we did similarly to you in that we had cake and snacks at our reception. I don't know when people got all fired up about having a full meal as part of the reception - I think it's almost a distraction, and certainly much more expensive. TO each his own of course, just not my cup of tea.
DeleteAnd by the way, when did it become OK to go into debt for an engagement ring?? Again - not about the ring, about the love! Because I've certainly known people who's debt outlasted the marriage. Bad idea.
- Grace
We wound up getting hitched for about nine grand (that includes the honeymoon, too). Four-and-a-half years later, I think even that was a bit much. The drama can get so intense; it really does turn out to be more about everyone else rather than the couple themselves. I have people in my wedding albums that I had never met and haven't seen since.
ReplyDeleteWe're planning on renewing our vows at the ten- or fifteen-year mark with no one but our best friends (another couple) and any children we might all have at that point on some grand trip abroad.
We managed to avoid the drama by holding a surprise wedding: invite everyone over for a picnic, then announce that we're getting married...in about 10 min. Cost us under $600: $350 for the JP, $200 for food, booze, and a cake that said "Surprise!"
ReplyDeleteI think the way you can tell whether a big wedding is "worth it" to most people is to see how many second weddings are small. I've never heard of anyone spending $20k on a second wedding....