Saturday, April 13, 2013

Weekly Whine: Mama's boys and Daddy's girls

I have two daughters, and it seems like a lot of people are compelled to point out to me that:

1) Boys are always closer to their mothers

2) Girls are always closer to their fathers

I guess they're trying to tell me I should have had sons? That I blew it?

Aside from the fact that it's obnoxious to say that to a woman who has two daughters, I think it's untrue. Correction: I know it's untrue.

I love my father and I consider myself close to him, but I'm far closer to my mother. When I was growing up, it was my mother who heard about every single one of my friends, all my crushes, my dates, etc. My father only knew who I was friends with or dating on a strictly need-to-know basis. In college, I talked to my dad once a week on Sundays, and my mother every single night. I can't even imagine talking to a man (even if that man is my father) about some of the personal things I talk to my mother about.

I do think girls tend to be closer to their parents in general. I always use the example of a pair of siblings I knew in college: a boy and a girl. The boy used to call his parents once a week, the girl every night. Same parents, same family.

Ultimately, I think it depends on the parents and the child what their relationship is going to be. Your relationship is what you make of it. I certainly don't think it's fair to say that just because my child is a girl, I'll never be as close to her as if she were a boy.

13 comments:

  1. I don't think that the saying really holds weight most of the time. But growing up, I was definitely more of a daddy's girl. It's only been in the past few years since I got married that my mom and I have really gotten closer. For a long time, we were so alike that we just fought a lot, and we're not a very "sharing" family so those conversations didn't happen between us.

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    1. I have no idea whose personality my older daughter has. I kind of think she's more like me. But I'm a very non-confrontational person, so maybe that will be a good thing. We already talk about boys she likes at school.

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  2. I am with you - I am definitely a mama's girl. I talk to my mom all the time, and while I love my dad dearly and have some great talks with him too, it's my mom that hears all the details of my life.

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  3. I guess I should take the time to see if there's any empirical evidence for the saying, but that's too much trouble so I'll go with pluralistic ignorance: I have a sister who was very close to our mother and not that close to our father, while I adored my father and avoided my mother. I think one's "favorite" probably has more to do with personality than gender, too.

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    1. Ooops. Hit send too quickly. And, yes, stupid and hurtful to point the saying out to you, as if warning you not to bother trying to get close to either because they'll like Daddy better.

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    2. What inspired this post was some old friends (who have a son) visiting from out of town. Despite the fact that my baby clings to me like she can't live without me 99% of the time, during this particular visit, she decided to cling to my husband. Maybe she felt his large size was more protective, I don't know.

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  4. Well, growing up I didn't talk to either parent about.... anything really. That didn't change until I was about 25. Now I talk to my dad about once a week, and my mom about once a month. My mom has always been really difficult to get along with, and now she has a touch of craniotomy x2 related dementia so conversations tend not to be very much fun.

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  5. I get along with all of my parents, though I enjoy being around my fathers more. (More in common) But wow! I consider myself close to my family, but a phone call every day? Whoa!

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  6. I agree it depends on the children and parents. I am the oldest of 4 girls. We are all "momma's girls". I'm sure the fact that my father is kind of a prick has a lot to do with that.

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  7. It depends on whether your parents were divorced or not...

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  8. With me, it depended on the topic...i was closer to my Mom when it came to school, boys, friends, etc and my Dad when it came to riding (we had a ranch and loved riding together), work, money advice, that kind of thing.

    This was really interesting. Our son is closer to Dad...i wonder if his Asberger's has anything to do with it. Anyone up for a research project??????????

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  9. I always wonder why people feel compelled to say something like that, but in the context you describe, maybe your friend was just reacting to the situation. I have two girls. At various times in their lives, they would have loved to have been a "daddy's girl," but whether it was due to him or them, they are both very close to me and quite distant from their (remarried) father. (His wife could have a lot to do with that.) Whatever ... Yes, we used to argue, but it never impacted our relationship. They are closer to me now at 29 and 31 than ever. Tricia

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  10. Oh, and I forgot to mention, that both girls confided in me more than I might liked to have known at the time! TCG

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