Chief complaint

Patient: "Doctor, my toe hurts."

Me: "Which toe?"

Patient: "My big toe."

Me: "Which foot?"

Patient: "Oh, I don't know."

Me: "You don't KNOW???"

Patient: "Well, it doesn't hurt right now. It just hurts sometimes. Also, I was worried about it because my grandmother had... uh, goiter."

Me: "You mean gout?"

Patient: "No, I think she had a goiter. What's the difference between goiter and gout?"

Me: "Gout is what you get in your toe joint. A goiter is in your neck."

Patient: "Yeah, she had a goiter."