Time and again, I vow not to get involved in childish namecalling fights on my blog. And while I've gotten better, I'm still sometimes sucked in.
I welcome arguments. I genuinely do. I think they're fun (although if you say something ridiculous, I do reserve the right to make fun of you a little). But when it becomes clear that the other person doesn't want to argue (or maybe is incapable) and is really just trying to make me feel bad, then what's the point?
For example, on the recent post I made about smoking, people wrote in with general arguments about why it's hard to quit, and I respect that. Some of them were angry but at least the arguments were focused. I could respond like an adult and I even learned a few things. Even when a couple of people overreacted to my tongue-in-cheek Women Rock post, they at least used real arguments. Whereas when I made my most recent Nannygate post, I encountered a person who apparently felt the only way to respond to my arguments was to condescendingly say I was going to get in trouble for writing about the topic! That's not productive and certainly doesn't prove your point. Essentially, you are saying you can't win the argument so you are going to personally attack me instead.
So I've created a page to link to whenever an argument degenerates to that point.
Hopefully I can avoid temptation with this...
Fizzy,
ReplyDeleteIt's not condescending to point out that not paying your taxes is a felony. It's pretty naive to think your anonymous on the internet, and if you haven't paid your taxes in the past, then yes you can get "in trouble" for it.
Oops, I guess I just called you a name (naive). Oh well. Maybe I'll get lucky and you'll take down my comment.
Another person did manage to have a discussion with me on that post without namecalling or threats, amazingly.
DeleteI never didn't pay taxes on a nanny. I don't know what proof you have of that.
Anyway, why are you upset? YOU weren't the one who made that comment. It was an anonymous commenter, right????
DeleteUm, Fizzy, you're the one who is upset. Chill.
DeleteThat's the most kindly worded go f**k yourself I've ever read.
DeleteJust read down. Someone beat me to that punchline
DeleteWhat Old MD Girl said.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anonymous commenter who posts right after OMDG again and agrees with OMDG.
ReplyDeleteLOL, Fizzy! Let's just say I fully support this comment.
DeleteAre you having an anonymous fight with yourself?
Delete"Are you having an anonymous fight with yourself?"
DeleteI don't entirely understand this comment, but I think it illustrates my point in that it's clearly meant to be something that you hope will hurt my feelings. So yes, here it is:
http://doccartoon.blogspot.com/p/chill-out.html
I'm sorry, I'm horribly confused. Are you trying to suggest that I am posting as myself AND as an anonymous commenter? I'm sorry you think that. For the record, I didn't do that. Apparently someone is having some fun with you. I hope you feel better, and that you have a good weekend.
DeleteOkay, let's be real here. OMDG, you do fight super dirty. There have been times when I've attempted to have a discussion with you, and I couldn't get more than one or two lines in without you calling me an insulting name. I've seen you do it to a lot of other people too. There have been periods where I vowed I'd stop commenting on your blog permanently because every single innocent comment I made resulted in you insulting me or flying into a rage, but I finally told myself you weren't doing it on purpose or I was misinterpreting your responses. I kept trying to make nice, but it just never worked.
DeleteI'm sure you won't think this is true or maybe you'll accuse me of doing the same, but honestly, I just had to get it off my chest because I've felt this way for a while and it's gotten SO much worse recently. I'm not saying it to hurt your feelings. I'm really just sick of the games. I mean, we are two women in our thirties with kids and careers. Why are we doing this? What's the point of trying to hurt or condescend each other? I really don't want to hurt your feelings and I'd hope you feel the same way. If you don't, then I think you shouldn't comment anymore.
OK, I said my piece and I feel better.
I'm sorry you feel that way Fizzy.
DeleteMe too. Truly.
DeleteI agree with your 3:11 comment, Fizzy. I've long been reading both your blog and OMDG's blog (her current one and her previous one), and I have observed OMDG jumping on you for innocent/innocuous comments quite often. I have thought for a long time that she has something against you.
DeleteI was reading the recent argument about part-time over at OMDG's blog and I was terribly confused at the outburst Fizzy received over her initial comment. I know OMDG can respond whatever way she wants, especially on her blog, but damn.. no need to get nasty about it.
DeleteI think OMDG is somehow under the impression that I'm trying to insult her, so she takes everything I say, no matter how innocent, as a personal insult. For example, when I made a post about how you shouldn't give your son a trendy name because a lot of trendy boys names turn into girls names (e.g. Aiden, Riley), she chose to immediately take that as a personal insult, although did realize she misunderstood when I explained what I was actually saying. On that part-time argument Hall mentioned, I was certain she was misunderstanding what I was saying, because she was getting SO angry for what felt like an innocent comment. I kept calmly explaining myself, but just making things worse, and finally she called me a bitch and I gave up.
DeleteI'm not sure if she has something against me. But I'm beginning to realize she thinks I have something against her. Which is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've also been reading your blog and OMDG's for quite some time now and have been "watching" almost this downward spiral with her for the past year +. Couldn't believe how she tore you up over the part time thing. It's not just to you, though. She does it to several other people who comment; everything's a personal attack. Just always seems like she's miserable for some reason.
DeletePrior to the part time fight, I really had believed we had enough respect for one another that there was a line neither of us would cross in an argument. That argument made me realize I was totally wrong.
DeleteAfter that outburst, I've pretty much stopped reading her blog. Too much negativity. Too much finger-pointing. If this is how she behaves online, can't imagine how she must be in real life. I used to really like her posts, though. I really hope she comes around.
DeleteI don't know why people answer anonymously (maybe for some that's the only way they can respond?), because a pseudonym doesn't make one particularly findable (if that's a word). In any case, there are many people who insist that everyone feel as they do...and jump in with vitriol if you express an opinion contrary to theirs. Or if you allege you "heard" something and someone who has NOT heard it not only insists it's false but accuses you of spreading crap (as though 90% of the content of the web isn't already crap). Even if someone cites a study or links to an article, that doesn't mean the study or article isn't open to examination and interpretation. Fizzy, I think you're entitled to either not post something patently malicious or stupid...or, as you sometimes do, make fun of the comment. Maybe even let the comment show and respond by saying "Please stop reading my blog. You don't meet my standards of open-mindedness and intelligence." (Oh, dear...that probably means I have to stop reading, doesn't it?)
ReplyDeleteI think life is more interesting when people don't always agree. I've had some great discussions on this blog. And the other person doesn't have to be open-minded or intelligent, honestly. Being respectful is all I ask.
DeleteBut when the namecalling and insults start, it means that the person isn't going to listen to a word I say, so I'm just wasting energy. A response to an argument shouldn't be essentially, "Oooh! I'm going to get you in troooouble!" I mean, if Romney and Obama could have a debate without namecalling, I'm not sure why everyone else can't.
I feel like this topic is ripe for a cartoon!
ReplyDeleteAlso honestly there are just so many trolls on the interwebs, I have no idea what motivates them, but if you can ignore them or learn to find their silly, silly ways humorous I think you will live a longer life and maybe lower your blood pressure. Thanks and keep up the great blog! ;)
ReplyDeleteAgree with Chivas, and Old MD Girl needs to chill. People have blogs to express their opinions and your choice to be anonymous on your blog should give you the reign to say whatever the hell you want.
ReplyDeleteHa! Correct me if I'm wrong, but most of that chill out section seems to be padding for one simple phrase:
ReplyDeleteGo f*** yourself
Yes, you're probably right :) But much more eloquent, no?
DeleteI hope you aren't referring to me--I really was trying to not be condescending.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely not. I was referring to you above in the comments as the person who managed to discuss it maturely without namecalling or threats.
DeleteOh, no wonder I missed that: I'm not used to being accused of discussing things maturely. :-)
DeleteI just disliked the condescension of the comment from an Anonymous commenter who didn't want to discuss the topic but just wanted to shut me up by essentially threatening that I'd get in trouble for blogging about this. In spite of the fact that I never said I had a nanny, much less said I didn't pay taxes on the nanny. (I can confidently say that if I got chosen for an audit now, I wouldn't be in any trouble... at least, not for anything I'm aware of. You never know what you screwed up.) It just wasn't a productive comment.
Delete