Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Dr. Orthochick: Ankle Injury

Me: So how did you hurt your ankle?
Patient: I was making sweet love to my woman.
Me: ...
Patient: If I had known it was going to hurt so much, I wouldn't have had all that sex. I like pain, but this was just a little too much.

If you can think of something to say in response to that, you're doing better than me. I just sort of nodded and wondered how a 40 year old guy could say that with his mother right there in the room. And his woman, whoever she was. She didn't appear embarrassed, although she did show me her new tattoo and the patient said I could get a discount on tattoos at his friend's place if I mentioned his name.

Me: He said I could get a tattoo for $70.
Dr. Innocuous: Is that a good price?
Me: I have no idea
Dr. Innocuous: I think it might actually be pretty cheap.

I seriously have no clue how much a tattoo would cost. And I didn't bother to write down the name of the store so now I missed my opportunity to get a cheap one.


  1. But, but...how did "all that sex" hurt his ankle? Maybe he was doing it wrong...


    1. Yeah I think some followup was needed on that one. Or maybe it is best not to know.

    2. if you have to ask how, maybe you are the one doing it wrong

  2. The price depends on how large of a tattoo you want, but overall, that is a very good price. I guess you missed out!

  3. There are several things you don't want to go cheap on, tattoos and boob jobs being the two that come to my mind most readily. Also, who says, "making sweet love?" If you hurt yourself, there's nothing sweet about it.

  4. Gives a different meaning to the phrase "Trauma is a lifestyle".

  5. Do you really want a $70 tattoo? I sure don't. You get what you pay for. Free tetanus shots!

  6. I've noticed how protected doctors are in their upbringing. Zero exposure to tattoos and sex and drugs and alcohol and streets and real life in the poverty zone.

    Then in medschool, it's all liquor parties because, at 25, mommies' and daddies' babies finally move out and party like their classmates did at 17.

    It's a bit ridiculous.

    Sex happens and it's okay. And if the dude is making sweet love to his woman, he's doing better than most residents. And staff. So good for him. Although I do wonder how you hurt an ankle - no wait, no I don't.

    I got over the sex and drugs awkwardness early in medschool. It was a lot harder for the overly protected classmates who have never seen a woman naked, not even in porn. Pap smears were excruciating for them.

    And I get hit on frequently by patients and staff. Should I crawl under a blanket and cry over all the "sexual harassment"? A very North American phenomenon by the way. In Europe, women are openly appreciated by men and that's a good thing. I'm not going to crawl under a blanket. I'm going to say DAMN RIGHT I'M HOT and appreciate the guy that has the guts to say it in this oppressed society.

    Okay I'm done. Sorry for the rant. It's been brewing or a while.