Me: Do you work right now?
Patient: I like to masturbate.
Seriously, what is it with guys and playing with themselves?
The guy was in his thirties and drunk as a skunk. He also had just gotten sliced across the arm with a steak knife, c/o some unknown assailant who accosted him while he was innocently sitting at home. So that wound up having to go to the OR since his tendons were flapping around. I'm not sure my consent was actually legal since his blood alcohol level was approximately 25 times the legal limit, but hey, he was talking to me and he voiced understanding of the procedure, as we say in the biz. Dr. Ortho called me to tell me we were next in line for the OR, I got everything set up downstairs, which involved suturing up the guy's other hand and listening to him complain about his roommate and his ex-wife.
12:25AM, text message
Not sure if they told you, [other] case is over. Your case will prob start around 1. Our guy informed me he likes to masturbate. Just fyi
12:49AM, text message
Hope he's ambidextrous...
Dr. Ortho did compliment my very thorough history when he saw me in preop.