Monday, December 2, 2013

Rectal exams

I always feel really bad when I have to tell a patient they have to have a rectal exam. Especially if they’ve never had one before. I always try to be nice about it, but sometimes the response I get is kind of weird. For example, I got this response from a rectal bleeding guy in the ER:

"I'm sorry," he said when I broke the news.

"No, I'm sorry," I said. "Have you ever had one before?"


"Well, I'll try to tell you everything I'm going to do before I do it so you feel more comfortable," I said. "Lucky for you, I have very small fingers."

He replied, "Well, either way, it's better than a fist."



  1. The poor guy sounds ashamed. What caused his bleeding though?

  2. I recently talked to a friend who was in medical school about something similar.

    Me: Hey, I've been seeing blood when I wipe. Got any ideas on what I should do?

    Friend: Honestly, knowing you... you probably need more fiber.

    Me: So I don't need a butt exam?

    Friend: I don't know, go to your doctor.

    Me: Sweet, thanks man. Fist me *holds out fist for bumpage*

    Friend: I hate you.

    All in good fun, hahaha!

  3. Hahahahaha... is it terrible that I find this funny?? Good blog by the way.

  4. I saw a young guy (about 16) a few years ago for a "headache" which was his code word for hemorrhoids. I had to do a rectal exam and I was loathe to do it once I saw the condition of his bottom. I don't even want to know why it looked like that. About 6 months later, he came in again for "headache", this time, I avoided anything except a visual eval...

  5. "Gee doc, your ring is cold."

    "That's my watch."