For my daughter's birthday party, I sent out 15 invitations three weeks before the party with an RSVP date one week before. I was hoping to get ten guests since we get charged extra for anything more than that.
A week and a half before the party, I really started to panic. We had one yes.
I started sending out a couple more invitations. I finally collected seven guests and felt satisfied with that.
Then ON the RSVP date, I got two more yeses from the invites I'd given out two weeks earlier.
Several days later, I got THREE more yeses from invites now given out nearly three weeks ago.
Seriously, RUDE. I ordered party favors online and now I have the wrong number of everything. Plus more kids than I wanted. Why does it take three weeks to RSVP??????
Not rude if the RSVPs got to you on the actual RSVP due date. However, insanely rude to RSVP after the actual RSVP date, regardless of whether it is a kid's birthday party or a wedding or a fancy fundraising event (or any other kind of event, for that matter).
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. I saw a coworker going nuts over her 2nd childs' birthday party and I was like girl stop stressing. Its crazy, I wasn't going to add to her misery. OMB. If they did it after the RSVP and I had room, I'd let it slide. Otherwise I'd blame it on my busy doctor schedule and say I couldn't do any more and maybe they could do something else.
DeleteDon't buy party favors on line, its too stressful since you never know who will show up. Or buy to the max =amount of invites you sent out. I did call people after RSVP dates and asked if it was still ok for my child to come. Our plans change daily and we can decide in many cases only within days of the planned date. With the amount of afterschool activites, tutors my children have and my shifting call schedules, we a way too busy to plan weeks ahead. Sometimes our tutors/coach change on us. But my kids were still able to be squeezed into birthday parties the last minute. And sometimes we were asked to come the last minute. I am never offended by this last minute invitations, because I know how insane my own schedule is. Let's just say its too stressful to plan kids' birthdays. Thats why I personally only invite one or two best friends and cater the whole entertainement to whatever my small group wants to do. We assure verbal yes only, I do not do formal invitations anymore. My children value one on one time with their friends more than insane run around of the big group in entertainment venue. When I go to big formal kids' parties I always feel sorry for the parents, because they are visibly tired. Good luck with your next party. I agree RSVP does not give you any assurance whatsoever. Such is our life, sorry.
ReplyDelete"Our plans change daily and we can decide in many cases only within days of the planned date. With the amount of afterschool activites, tutors my children have and my shifting call schedules, we a way too busy to plan weeks ahead. Sometimes our tutors/coach change on us. But my kids were still able to be squeezed into birthday parties the last minute."
DeleteIf you have a hectic life, that's fine, and it is better to not RSVP than to commit only to not show up to the event. But what you are telling the person whose party you are "squeezing" your kids into at the last minute is that the party meant a lot less to you than whatever else you had going on that changed or was cancelled at the last minute. If there is an RSVP date, and you can't commit by that date, then don't ask to be invited at the last minute. It's just rude. Just don't go. You and your children will survive. And just because they let you come last minute doesn't mean they are happy about it. Maybe you are inconveniencing them but they are just too nice to tell you that.
I agree that not RSVPing until after the date is a bit rude, but I have a feeling that even if the people did RSVP and didn't show up she'd still find fault.
DeleteI'm sorry, but the weekly whines seem really trivial and nit picky lately.
Id think if someone had a busy schedule they'd appreciate more time to plan.
DeleteI agree that a parent might act gracious but be secretly pissed that they have to go out and buy extra food and supplies just for you when they're already super busy arranging their kid's party.
Not true. Like i mentioned my tutor/coach schedules can change weekly/daily if these people reschedule on us. It is far more important for me that my children get their skills polished than run at the party for 4 hours. So, no, I cannot plan for 3 weeks ahead most of the time. And I only called later, after RSVP date to those parents whose children were big friends with mine. And those friends kept bugging my children that they are not coming to their birthdays, wanting them to committ even past RSVP date. I do not impose on strangers in the last minute, only in above mentioned circumstances. Like one of the Anons mentioned my children will survivie, and parties are never my priority in rearing my children. But if my childs' friend "cannot survive" us not attending then I called. Some parents have less childrenn than planned and thrilled to have another head for count. One of the parties we attended that came to mind, was when kid invitied the whole class and only 3 showed up, they rented a venue. We were #4 and parent was thrilled. Other times we did not call past RSVP date but came to the same venue so children could play, brought present but did not eat with them. Whatever, guys,I personally have different view on this. I ask people to NOT bring presents, thus you do not have to buy gift bags, thus its easier on other parents, thus I have less toys to throw away. Setting upo birthdays is too stressfull
DeleteMy kids are just amateur athletes so all their sports are at regular times and they've never had any impromptu meetings with coaches or tutors. I think that's the case for most people I know.
DeleteAnd it's your fault for LETTING people RSVP late. You should have said, "I'm glad you wanted to come, but it clearly stated on the invitation that RSVPs were due on (date) because arrangements had to be made, and now we cannot accommodate additional guests."
ReplyDeleteYeah but I'm trying to make friends since my daughter started a new school..
DeleteAnd you can't tell your kid's friends' parents the kids aren't welcome at the party. Your kid is the one who will pay (potentially dearly) for that. You did the right thing, Fizzy.
Delete(from a different Anonymous)
#firstworldproblems
ReplyDeletehttp://doccartoon.blogspot.com/2013/06/weekly-whine-first-world-problems.html?m=1
DeleteYes, it is rude but unfortunately it seems to be the norm lately.
ReplyDeleteLessons to be learned? I'm going to guess your daughter is quite young, maybe even younger than 2nd grade. If so, the kids do not give a shit about the gift bag. Seriously. If you're more concerned about how your gift bag looks to the other parents and want to be that "cool gift bag mom" then, well, that's your choice to do so. No kid that I know (under the age of 8) has ever come home from a party ranting and raving about the gift bag. Nope...at the last party I held for my kid his friends had already ripped into the gift bags, tossed the bags aside, and rifled through the stuff before they ever left the party joint. My point? Keep 'em simple and cheap because...they don't care past 5 minutes after the party.
If I had a blog, I'd make a weekly whine entry about gift bags and party favors. As a kid, I never got party favors or a gift bag...I got a piece of cake and some ice cream, yet somehow I managed to survive without getting a gift bag on SOMEONE ELSE'S birthday.
My point? Don't stress out about the party favors. No one cares, and if anyone does it is probably a parent who has nothing better to do with her time than to turn everything into one big stupid mompetition over who "can do it better". And really, are those types of people worth your time? :)
And just to add...sorry if I offend readers by assuming that it would be a mom who would scrutinize the gift bags/part favors, but:
Delete"wow, this gift bag lacks creativity and thought" said no dad ever.
I agree. I was planning not to do gift bags. And somehow between making that plan and the party, I spent $50 on stupid gift bags.
DeleteOhhhhh this used to seriously piss me off. I never knew how many kids to plan for. One year only 3 kids came. My son was only 4, so he didn't even notice. But still!
ReplyDeleteI touch base with those via email who have not yet responded a week or two after the RSVP date has passed. I tell them I'm looking for a final head count and need to know if they plan on coming. More work for me, but I get a better idea whose attending that way!
ReplyDeleteWritten invitations ... RSVP dates ... special order party favors? I feel sorry for my kids, now. They deserved to be raised by someone far more organized than I. Of course, it was 30 years ago when I started with my kids and online didn't exist yet. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
ReplyDeleteYes, at first blush, this whine seemed a little over the top, but as I thought about it, I decided that it isn't over the top. In fact, you are teaching your daughter very important lessons - (1) It is important to sit down and write an invitation to your friend instead of just hollering across the street. It makes the friend feel important. (2) It is important to RSVP on time to invitations that you get. If you don't, you cause all sorts of distress for the person giving the party. (3) It is important to write a thank-you note for your presents. Most of all, when the party begins, it is important to try to smile and relax, no matter what! You have started the education in mannerly living, and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Tricia
Well, it's nowhere near as sophisticated as you imply. We have to do written invitations with RSVPs since I have no other way to contact her friends from school and know who's coming. And I have to know how many guests are coming as a requirement for the facility that's having the party... so they know how many chairs to put out, staff to provide, etc. And I ordered the party favors from Amazon because I pretty much buy everything from Amazon these days.
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