I tried taking a nap today, but, as usual, my attempts were thwarted. My pager went off telling me a patient couldn't afford his meds, so I had to call back to see if we could get a different med covered, then I finally fell asleep after that one and my next door neighbor started banging on the door.
This old couple lives in the apartment next to me. They're both retired and around 75. They're really nice but they try and talk to me any time I go in or out of my apartment, which drives me crazy. Then I think the man is suffering from some sort of early dementia because every time he talks to me, he puts his hand on my stomach. I don't know if he's trying to feel the baby kick or something, in which case he's going to have to hold his hand there for a few years, but it's a little weird. He also has not yet figured out that if I'm home during the day, it's because i'm sleeping. So pretty much any time I'm postcall and trying to nap, he'll bang on the door. In the beginning I opened it because I thought he was going to tell me that the old lady broke a hip or something, but the last time I did he started telling me about how he broke his shoulder 2 years ago and he didn't have surgery, but now he wants to know if he should have etc etc etc. I know they're lonely old people and I should be nice, but I really do not want to be their default medical source and i wish they didn't try and come over every time I was at home.
Anyway, the old man started banging on my door today. He has not yet figured out that if he bangs 10 times and I don't answer, he should just give up, so he kept. on. banging. (they know which car is mine in the parking lot so he knew I was home) So I dragged myself out of bed, opened the door, and he thrust a letter at me and said "I got a letter from my doctor but I can't understand it so I need your help."
Me: Uh, are you sure you want me to read this?
Old Man: Yes, I need you to tell me what it's about!
Me: This is about your penis rash.
It was a letter from his urologist detailing their visit over his penis rash. As far as I could tell, the urologist wasn't sure what was causing the penis rash and wanted to order some labs to look for inflammatory conditions.
Me: It says here they did a biopsy of your penis.
Old Man: What's that?
Me: They take a small piece of skin off and send it to the lab to look at it under a microscope
Old Man: I don't remember. They did that?
I really feel like a penis biopsy is the sort of thing you would remember, but I'm also of the camp that you shouldn't ask your next door neighbor to interpret your penis rash paperwork for you, so maybe I'm just weird in that regard. And, quite frankly, I guess I got off easy that he didn't try to show me his penis rash.