The Simpson Personality Quiz

Back before I had kids, and I had oodles of free time, I made a Simpsons personality quiz with my husband. We were both huge Simpsons fan, at least of the first nine seasons.

It was actually very elaborate and there were like 20 characters that you could be. Unfortunately, I posted the quiz on GeoCities, so now it's gone. But I saved it, and now I'm posting it here. Because I can. Those of you who loved the show (at least the first nine seasons) will appreciate it.

Obviously you can't really take the quiz anymore, but trust me, the answers were hilarious. I just don't have the time or energy to set this up like a real quiz again.


The Simpsons Personality Quiz

1. Your body habitus could be described as:

Morbidly obese

Obese

Buff

Shapely

Stickly

2. What is your career of choice?

Lawyer

Doctor

Homemaker

Systems Analyst

Bartender

Stripper/Chief Justice of the Supreme Court

Illiterate clown

Teacher

3. Have you ever attempted murder?

Yes

No

4. What is your school of choice?

Yale

Caltech

Hollywood Upstairs Medical College

Harvard

Brown

Vassar

Bovine University

Clown College (i.e. Princeton)

5. What is your religion?

Christian

Jewish

Buddhist

Hindu

Snake Handler

the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life

Misc.

6. What are you sick of?

hoagies

the coroner

Razor Fight II: The Slashening

these constant bear attacks

Ray Jay Johnson

yo-yos

7. Which medical conditions do you have?

Lyme Disease

Acute hypochondria

Homer Simpson Syndrome

Kidney failure

Amoria phlebitis

Falling on a bullet that got wedged into your chest

Skin failure

Hysterical pregnancy

8. Do you think Ziggy has gotten too preachy lately?

Yes

No

9. Which of the following aliases do you sometimes go by?

Chesty LaRue

Nguyen Van Phuoc

McBain

Armand Tanzarian

Brian McGee

Rory B. Bellows

Santos L. Halper

Mohammad Jafar

Joey Joe Joe Jr Shabadoo

10. What is your favorite meal of the day?

Kippers for breakfast (on St. Swithin's Day)

Brunch

the meal between breakfast and brunch

Lunch

Dinner

Dessert

the feast of Maximum Occupancy

11. How would you describe yourself?

Brainy

this century's Dennis the Menace

lazy, clumsy, dim-witted, and monstrously ugly

the richest guy you know

a mafia hitman

the school bully

proactive and totally in your face

12. What are you most afraid of?

flying

sock puppets

blood

cupcakes

the king of England pushing you around

13. Do you think eggs have gotten a bad rap lately?

Yes

No

14. When it comes to relationships, you are:

Eternally faithful

Sometimes tempted

Have strayed

Comfortable with your womanizing

A homewrecker

Gay

15. What is your favorite catch phrase?

D'oh

Ay carumba

You're off your case, chief

Worst episode ever

Excellent

Thank you, come again

I'm a bad wittle boy

Ay chihuahua

Radical!

If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room

16. How many children do you have?

none

1

2

3

8

greater than 20

17. Who have you had a crush on?

an older woman

the oldest woman

the school bully

a Beatle

MacGyver

Lisa

a billionaire

your sister

18. What are you doing this weekend?

Something gay, no doubt

Bringing a microscope to the beach

Sex cauldron

Sharpening pencils

Going to the dog races

Touring the bridges of Madison County

19. What would be an appropriate nickname for you?

Springfield Fats

Spanky

Bleeding Gums

Kid Presentable

Diamond Joe

Grifty McGrift

20. What sort of vehicle do you drive?

Light pink VW

Canyonero

Hum V

Limo

Bike

School bus

You prefer to be carried

21. Have you ever seen a man say goodbye to his shoes before?

Once

No

22. What languages do you speak?

Klingon

Hindi

French

Spanish

American

23. What is your level of intelligence?

Genius

Smart

Average

A little slow

Smrt

"Extended warranty? How can I lose?"

24. What kind of surgeries have you had?

Triple bypass

kidney transplant

lung and kidney removed

boob job

a real boy operation

twisted stomach repair

appendix taken out

25. What is your secret shame?

Picking your nose

Wetting your bed

Eating flowers

Gambling

Fabrege eggs

Murder

26. What is your favorite animal?

Fish

Pony

Elephant

Lawyer-bird

Fox

Pocket fox

Rockin' Dog

Smell-hound

Octopussy

27. Of what weren't you informed?

The grammar rodeo

The optics fair

Chili Cook-off

A counterfeit jeans operation running out of your car hole

That teachers can go through red lights

28. Who is your hero?

A washed out clown

A jazz musician

Mr. T

Ringo

John Travolta

Stan Lee

Matlock

29. What is your favorite kind of music?

Christian

Jazz

"It's Raining Men"

Disco

Rock and/or roll

MacArthur Park on the tablah

Cyanide, a loving tribute to Poison

30. Do you ever get tired of being wrong?

No

Sometimes

31. What do you collect?

Sugar

Malibu Stacy dolls

Stamps

Women

Silhouettes

MacGyver's hair

32. When you stick your hand into the pile of goo that's your best friend's face, will you know what to do?

Yes

Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown

33. True or false: You can get mono from riding the monorail.

False

No wait, maybe it's true