So a couple years ago, one of Mel's teachers at the daycare, Becky, offered to give me a few of her 4 year old daughter's old shoes for Babygirl. I thought, "Wow, that is so nice!" Becky was a float teacher, so she watched both Mel and Babygirl from time to time, and she always has really positive things to say, especially about Mel. She told me that Mel is always really nice to her daughter and always makes an effort to be kind to the younger kids. I thought that maybe Becky was doing this because she really liked Mel.
Anyway, she gave me the shoes and they were all way too big, which she realized, but I figured Babygirl could grow into them and it was still nice of her.
Then I mentioned the shoe thing to my husband, and he was like, "It's probably because Babygirl's shoes are filthy and she thinks you're a charity case."
And that kind of made sense. And I wasn't so pleased anymore.
I got Babygirl's shoes at a consignment sale. They were light pink and made from fabric, so they showed dirt really, really easily. About a week after she started wearing them, they looked filthy. But you guys, she was ONE YEAR OLD. Who cares what her shoes looked like? They fit her well, she liked them, and they were not actually dirtier than anyone else's shoes. It's just that they were freaking light pink.
We actually did have another pair of shoes that were dark brown and a half-size bigger. I'd been saving them until the light pink ones fell apart or got outgrown, because it's nice to have back-up shoes. But now I felt like the stupid daycare was judging me so I had to switch.
I was surprised that of all people, Becky would be judgmental of Babygirl. First of all, she was super nice and always saying what an amazing wardrobe Mel has and how she's such a fashionista. Also, she was a single white lesbian with a black adopted daughter. You'd think she of all people would recognize that appearances don't matter. But maybe she felt sorry for me because the other teachers were talking smack about Babygirl's shoes behind her back and she wanted to help me. That's what I choose to believe.
Sure enough, when I brought Babygirl to school on Monday with new shoes, everyone made a big deal about it.
Yes, I could afford brand-new expensive shoes for my daughter. I could also afford to take a $100 bill and burn it. I just don't see the point.
P.S. I promise this is my last weekly whine about day care. Unless you guys are loving this.
My wife and I don't have children yet, but your posts on this subject sort of worry me. Like you, we're pretty frugal and practical-minded (although I suppose most people would say that about themselves). When it comes to baby clothes, I'd imagine that we'll take the same view as you. Are people really going to be so judgmental?
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I'll care much, though. I mean, sure, it's never pleasant to be criticized or thought ill off, and it's probably offensive when such criticisms are directed at how you care for and love your children. But people criticize others for everything, and for the stupidest reasons... it seems like no matter what you do as a parent, someone (usually who has no children of their own) will always find some way to criticize.
Did you ask her? Because it sounds like you're jumping to conclusions based on an offhand remark from your husband.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids, but I'm still enjoying your daycare stories so if it feels good for you to vent, keep them coming. Being an outsider in the world of children and their care, my opinion counts for little, but I am absolutely gobsmacked that anyone believes young children playing are expected to be in clean clothes. I'm 56 and my clothes are technically clean, but with 4 dogs most of my everyday home "play?" clothes are stained to some degree. Anyway, rant on.
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY agree with AM VaBe. Why ever did you jump to what your husband said as being 'truth' rather than just one person's idea. Sounds awfully like "men are all knowledgeable" silliness on your part. Or did what he said really reflect your own inward truth????
ReplyDeleteAND, excitement over new shoes does NOT validate his idea; child care providers try to celebrate all things that make their charges happy.
First time commenting and feel strongly enough to. Why would you think Becky would take you for a charity case? Not only are you a physiatrist, I'm also guessing Becky meant no harm and only kindness.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you guys are right. I just felt paranoid after what happened earlier, when they made such a big deal out of the stains on her clothes. Plus the fact that when she showed up wearing new shoes, they commented on it Way more than a person should normally comment on a one-year-old's very unremarkable new shoes.
ReplyDeleteNothing to do with "men as omniscient". I think you should go with your gut. I hope not all daycares are so judgmental, but sadly in my limited experience with teachers at public schools, I think they just have nothing else going on in their every day and need stupid little things to gossip about and blow out of proportion. Maybe especially because you're a physician and they resent you on some level. :( Finding "flaws" with you may make them feel better about themselves.
ReplyDeleteNow I understand why people have so many issues with not wanting their kids in daycare. This is crazy. No one kids are screwed up now. All these idiots are in charge, giving the kids dumb ideas like this.
ReplyDeleteOh, I don't know. I didn't get the sense that Becky thought you were a charity case, especially if she had been so positive with your children. But I understand why you would think that way based on the daycare's whine about the stained clothes. I buy baby clothes at the second hand store because, like you had mentioned, babies grow up so fast. Even when I buy clothes new, stains collect eventually, of course. I never send my babies out with stained (but freshly washed) clothes because, let's face it, it does leave a wrong impression. When clothes are stained, people don't know if the clothes are clean or dirty, so they talk. It's human nature. My secret to get the stains out? Oxyclean powder--you soak the stained clothes in a bucket of water with 1 scoop of Oxyclean. 99% of the time, the stains are gone. I love Oxyclean.
ReplyDeleteclarification--soak with Oxyclean overnight. Wash like usual. Voila! Stains are gone. Love it!
DeleteTeacher perspective: All teachers judge parents on how their children come to school. (Dr. Grumpy referenced that all Doctors and Nurses talk about patients here: http://drgrumpyinthehouse.blogspot.com/2014/07/look-whos-laughing.html So I know you all do it too.)
ReplyDeleteTeachers do the same thing, but we judge you on whether your children come to school with an adequate lunch and are clean or clean looking. I've taken children's coats and washed them at school (under the guise that nits had been spotted in the room) because they were filthy. I've washed children's hands, arms, and faces because they came to school looking like Pigpen from the Peanuts comic strip. We assume you're too busy, or depressed, and/or don't care. There are plenty of second hand shops that sell childrens clothes for cheap.
It's my opinion that kids are happy when they're slightly dirty. Kids come to school with dirty faces because they can't eat without getting food all over their faces and some of them probably eat in the car. I think unless hygiene is affecting their health in someway, such as they have an infestation, rash or otherwise, there's no reason to be concerned about some stains on the kids shoes. For example, while the daycare with obsessing about my kids shoes, they were days when they wouldn't change her diaper for too long and she would have a horrible rash at the end of the day. That was much more upsetting to me.
DeleteI hope you were wrong about this, because my kids are always in dirty shoes and stained (but clean) clothes. the dirt comes from playing outside, and the stains 95% occur at school, because they are always painting, and whatever new paints they recently got at the school don't wash out. The other 5% is yummy foods, like pomegranate, tomato sauce, or chocolate, that don't wash out well.
ReplyDeleteKids---that are playing & active---get dirty. I even bathe mine daily and wash clothes regularly, they just love to play in messy situations. Judging parents or thinking they are charity cases because their kids like to play outside and do art projects is ridiculous. Any good teacher of young children should know better.
I teach 3-year-olds, but I always make a big fuss over new shoes. Seems to make the kids feel good/happy that I noticed. And I DO notice, even for kids that have 10 pairs of fancy sneakers! (not uncommon in my area) Perhaps just see it as they are paying attention to your daughter and simply noticing something new/different.
ReplyDeleteI once had a creepy guy insist on commenting on my shoes at work (they were white and shows dirt really well.) He came by that Christmas while I was off, and handed my boss a bag. Inside was a "gift," a pair of sneakers. USED, filthy, smelly sneakers. Apparently he also told my boss that I was his girlfriend. Keep in mind that this guy was easily in his 60s and I was in my early 20s at the time. They ended up in the dumpster.
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