One thing that I have never done on this blog is censor comments. For one thing, it's a pain in the booty (and mine is so painfully small to begin with). And for another thing, I think people all have the right to voice their opinion. The only comments I have deleted are the ones that are pure spam, and also ones by this one guy who kept posting really racist things.
As a result, I have several old posts, such as my one about dermatology, where the last 10 or 15 comments are all just people cursing me out. I actually have to approve all those old comments, which means I am actually saying "approve" to people telling me I'm a jerk. It doesn't really bother me all that much though. I think anybody who is getting so worked up and making a long reply to a post that is like three years old probably has some issues.
Anyway, my post yesterday did rile up a few feathers. In all honesty, when I do make a post that is controversial, I do it to spark interesting conversation. (I hope nobody thinks I am lying awake at night, upset about a booty song.) I've had some really interesting conversations on here… I doubt any opinions were changed, but I think both sides probably learned something, and at the very least, it was entertaining. In any case, I don't make these posts to spark people calling me names or insulting me just because I disagree with them. Yet unlike some smarter bloggers, like Dr. grumpy, I allow them to make insulting comments when I could just as easily delete them. Eventually, the comments became more insulting and trolling than productive, especially from one anonymous commenter.
At some point yesterday, somebody made a very nice comment defending me. Subsequently, a second comment was made belittling that person. It was a mean and unproductive comment, and I hated the idea that somebody might feel hurt as a result of my blog, so I deleted the comment.
And then I wondered, why don't I pay myself the same courtesy?
Geez Fizzy, now you have me all curious about what the comment actually said.
ReplyDeleteIt was just a pointless mean-spirited comment.
DeleteThere's a personal blog I've been following for quite some time that discusses technical things and travel. The comments are always respectful and even insightful. There aren't always many comments, but some entries garner tens upon tens, so there's clearly a dedicated following. Yet the comments require both an anti-spam measure and moderator clearance before being posted. For a time I wondered why, given that everyone seemed so respectful on the site (and the material being posted didn't seem particularly controversial).
ReplyDeleteBut it's the internet, and many people don't filter themselves properly. We write needlessly rude and nasty things. Then other people read it and respond in kind.
The way I see it, you have roughly two choices and each influences how the comments go. If you let everything through, you'll get a number of rude comments that over time may chase away people who would be kinder and have nicer things to say. If you filter your comments then fewer people may post comments, but those who do post regularly (or attempt to post) will likely be more polite and respectful.
The thing is, most of the time, people are very respectful. Somehow my weekly wine posts seem to garner the most trolling, and aside from those, everyone is very pleasant. I assume that it's because I touch on subjects that people find interesting or feel strongly about, so that's a good thing. I would hate to have to censor those feelings.
Deleteexactly. i used to have a space where comments were allowed and i left up hateful comments toward myself because i felt that everyone should be allowed to voice how they feel. i didn't think it would be fair of me to delete them and it didn't bother me so why not leave them up. i don't think this is right anymore for a few reasons. first, the way you feel about the person who had an anon be mean to her is the same way most of us feel when we see negative comments toward you! i realize it prob doesn't bother you but it makes me personally feel angry when i see them because i really like you, and i don't want ppl to be disrespectful to you. second, i noticed that reading through the comments is actually really enjoyable on blogs that police their comment space (as opposed to a really horrible experience most elsewhere on the internet) and i love viewing the construcive criticism, jokes, and input from the other bloggers on here. third, this is harder to explain- i sincerely don't think those ppl do have the right to say those things to you. my entire premise for leaving my own hateful comments up was that i didn't want to silence anyone. (i think this may have been something i was taught as a woman, because i sincerely don't see any male run blogs that subscribe to this.) Yes, contstuctive criticism is one thing, but hateful insults are another. This is a public space. If someone came up to you in a public space like a park and started hurling insults at you because of your outfit you'd prob tell them to go away and never come back. This blog is a real space too, and i personally feel like the same principle should apply- delete and block. i don't know if that made sense but i commented on this subject last year i think so i wanted to add what i thought again :)
ReplyDeleteOn the flipside, I have to read the angry comments no matter what because they come to my inbox. If I allow them to post, however, it is sort of heartwarming when people defend me.
DeleteI sometimes write posts that arouse strong feelings. (Not very often because of my usual subject, but on occasion.) My comments policy is simple. I moderate the first new comment from anyone in order to avoid most of the spam. After that I do not pre-moderate. When I'm reading the comments I do delete anything that is advertising or solicitation and anything that is personally insulting to anyone - including myself. It pretty much works out.
ReplyDeleteYes, the last topic was fairly contentious. I don't know how other people felt, but I
ReplyDeletefound it upsetting. It's strewn with insults back and forth and no consensus is
reached either way.. As my mother used to say, I like to quote her, "they'll stick
a medal on you for being right!" Hopefully, when it's my time to pass on, I'll leave this world a better place for being kind and not necessarily right. As for being wrong, I'm very good at that and have apologized for hurting someone unintentionally. To Dr. Fizzy's credit, she does the same. As for censorship, I dunno. My suggestion: screen out the spam and let everything else sort itself out. - Paul
I didn't intend to hurt anybody's feelings in the comments of the last post, which is why I apologized. I really do always try to be calm and mature when I reply to people, but it can be very hard when people start attacking you. Unfortunately the other person did not acknowledge my apology and continued to mock me.
DeleteI often wonder at how some people can be nice and others just down right mean spirited! What satisfaction do people get from attacking others online or face to face. I do admire that you always respond to cruel comments with respect and courtesy. It's much better than what I would do. It's hard to go on after someone says something mean to you online. A few months ago I commented on this article, and after a few replies from this guy he just up and calls me a bitch. I mean why? It's really hurtful that this person has no idea who I am, what my personality is, how my life is, or that I'm only seventeen. And his words actually hurt me . I don't care anymore that this jerk called me that, and I'm sure somebody will call me that again. But for the first time, it didn't feel great.
DeleteI actually feel bad for people who are bitter, selfish, cruel, and mean. What a sad life it must be to live like that. To enjoy seeing others hurt or angry is a sad life. But we can learn from people like that also. Don't be like them! Always keep your cool, be mature about things, and don't waste precious time worrying about people like that.
Recently, I was looking at the comments to a post from a few years ago where people got pretty mean, and I was surprised at how calm and polite my replies were. I was proud of myself for that. I don't want to lose my temper at someone on a stupid blog post.
DeleteI read your apology, Dr. Fizzy. In fact, you apologized twice. It's hurtful when an apology is not acknowledged. Just so you know, I noticed it too. With respect
ReplyDeleteto the last topic, dating can be difficult for women of size. As for myself, I
dated women of all sizes. Unfortunately, some of the heavier women would
sabotage the date before we had as chance to get to know one another.
Perhaps they felt that it was better to reject themselves than for me to do
the rejecting. Their size wasn't an issue for me but there was no convincing
them otherwise. As a person who has always been average to slim, I
understood that their experiences taught them not to trust me. It's sad because
I met some wonderful women who I would have liked to know better. I know
women of all sizes suffer from this, but it seemed to be more prevalent amongst
the heavier women. By the way, I had given up hope of ever finding "the one"
too. I had resigned myself to being single all my life. Eventually, I met a woman
who was just too good to be true. She was no "Barbie Doll" but she literally
sparkled ! Compassionate, thoughtful, introspective with a smile that lit up
the room. Yes, there can be a happy ending. Sometimes, it just takes time.
- Paul