My husband will probably make fun of me when he reads this, but every time I hear the song "all about that base", I get a little bit teary-eyed. Because my older daughter, while not fat, is built like her dad and definitely not a "stick figure Barbie doll", and I like the idea of any song that potentially would make her feel good about herself. Not that she feels bad about herself or anything, but who knows, maybe in the future.
That said, I am skinny and I have always been skinny. But I am about as far away from being a Barbie doll as you could possibly imagine. I don't diet or do anything to watch my weight, but I am the sort of person who feels incredibly ill if I eat more than a small portion, and when I am stressed out, I end up not being able to eat it all. My father always told me that I have inherited the "McFizz stomach". I don't really feel lucky about that, but I guess it's good for my health to not be overweight, at least.
Occasionally, people make comments to me about how they think I am "lucky" to be skinny. But in general, people I know in real life don't comment much, either because they realize it's inappropriate, or because it's incredibly obvious that I am not at all obsessed with looks. If I were, I'd probably at least buy some make up and wear pants that weren't two sizes too big.
However, there was a period when I mentioned a few times on this blog that I am skinny, and there were a couple of very vocal people who got really really mad at me. I think there was one post where I said that my weight made me feel cold more easily, and somebody told me they were so angry at me for mentioning my weight that they were going to stop reading my blog. WTF?
Someone else, who claimed to be a physician, told me that just saying that I was skinny would give readers a negative body image. Because if I say I am skinny, then I am necessarily bragging about being skinny.
This completely shocked me. Even though I realize that women obsess about their weight, I was surprised that just mentioning it in an offhand way would make people so angry. In my opinion, weight is not what makes you attractive unless you are at an extreme. It's just a matter of preference. Frankly, I think I'd probably be more attractive if I gained 10 pounds. Or had silky blonde hair like Megan Traynor.
So while I like the message in Megan Traynors song, I also sort of take offense to the generalization. Just because you're skinny, that doesn't mean you are a silicon Barbie doll model bitch. You might just be a nice geeky girl with a weak stomach.
No one should shame anyone for their figures, I agree. And I know plenty of skinny women who aren't trying to be thin. One, in fact, has Crohns and she would do anything to be able to put on weight.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has to fight to maintain a normal weight or else would be overweight, I don't take offense to your comments about being thin. But recognize that since you are thin, you simply aren't in the category that puts you at the greatest risk of scorn and mockery. Many people who insult thin people don't realize they are being insulting, they are typically trying to pay a compliment but are just doing a bad job at delivering that message. On the other hand, people usually very much intend to be critical of fat people, and have a greater tendency to look at fat people with utter disgust than they do anyone who is thin.
And I promise you that your world view, especially on things like the "healthiness" of fast food, would be much different if you weren't thin. 1 to 2 McDonald's meals a week for me would be a huge deal and easily equates to several lbs of extra weight to wear on my short frame. When looking at this situation, yes, compared to someone like me you are "lucky" that you can eat there whenever you want and not really have to pay any physical price to do so. I would love to not have to obsessively count fat grams and calories -- it consumes more of my life than I want it to and takes the fun out of eating.
And I think if there are one or two mainstream songs out there that celebrate bigger figured women, and appear to find fault with "stick figured, silicone Barbie dolls," that hardly is something to get too upset about considering the overwhelming majority of the prejudice out there is, and always will, be against the "big" girls. Just my 2 cents.
"I would love to not have to obsessively count fat grams and calories"
DeleteI would similarly love to be able to eat whatever I want without worrying that I might be too sick to function the next day. If I went into McDonald's and ordered what the average American probably orders, I would probably have to go throw up. I don't see how your counting your calories is preferable to that.
I would argue that people make negative comments about my appearance, even though I'm skinny. Like you, sometimes it's meant to be a compliment, but it ends up hurting my feelings. For example, I have very difficult to manage curly hair, and I feel like I've taken so much shit over my hair in my lifetime. Eventually, I'm probably going to have to shave my head because I can't take it anymore. And that's just one of at least half a dozen things about my appearance that I have been criticized for.
My point is that if you are female, people will find a way to make you feel bad about your appearance. Didn't you see that critical tweet about how perfect looking Taylor Swift has no butt?
I think it's great to make a song that celebrates big women, but why criticize other women in the process?
The song is wrong. But you are overreacting. I'm sorry.
DeleteAnd I have had the same problem as you where, for a while, I couldn't eat much without getting nauseous. I had that condition for over a year. It sucked. But would take that over the easy weight gain any time. Hands down. Not even a close call.
I don't think I'm overreacting because I do like the song. I just wish that she could've left out part where she calls people who are skinny "bitches."
DeleteI think being constantly nauseated and not being able to eat is the worst thing. I'm really surprised that you've experienced this and you disagree. There were periods during my pregnancies when I could hardly eat at all due to nausea, and it was incredibly depressing. I actually would cry over it. I have many patients who are unable to eat due to inability to swallow, and it's incredibly depressing for them as well. All they want to know is when they can eat again.
Try chemo, and tramadol for the associated pain. The ONLY good thing about my experience was dropping weight without any effort. I remembered crying with relief myself, because I knew it could have just as easily meant massive weight gain for me.
DeleteWhy, in your mind, is your viewpoint always the only valid one? Jesus Christ, you don't like people who don't like your hair or your weight. If that's all you have to complain about, please consider getting over it. I promise you life can be a lot shittier than that.
For chrissake, you don't know anything about my life or my problems beyond what I'm willing to post on a public blog. I was just trying to have a conversation. If you can't do that in a calm and reasonable way without insulting me, please don't bother commenting again.
DeleteA conversation where your viewpoint is the only correct one. You are "surprised" that any one could possibly have a different opinion. I have been on both sides of the fence and the fact that I don't agree with you means there is something wrong with me.
DeleteOK, got it. But why bother opening up the blogs for discussion then? Just state your case and be done with it.
I don't understand what you expect me to do. When someone disagrees with me, I am just supposed to say that they are right and I've changed my mind? That's not how you have a discussion, in my opinion. You are not changing your mind, so why should I immediately change mine?
DeleteI welcome valid criticisms to my arguments. What I don't like it when people get condescending and start trying to insult me personally. If you think I'm wrong, tell me in a polite way why I am wrong. I would love to hear that, and attempt to calmly refute your arguments. Isn't that how people have a discussion?
DeleteDifferent Anon here: I agree with Fizzy. Your points of view may be valid, but Fizz never said anything about hers being the only right one. You're the one that actually said she was "overreacting" and to "get over it." The same could easily be said to you. Projection! Everyone is entitled to their opinion, period.
DeleteThe 6am anon just needs to get laid, or needs to have a nice cold beer, but can't, because she (I'm certain it's a she) thinks she can't. Chill out, 6am anon, and please consider getting over it. It's a blog, and I may (actually, I often) disagree with fizzy, and I think it's fantastic that both our viewpoints can be challenged, and there's lots of awesome people out there, and I'm always interested in Fizzy's thoughts, as another human being whom I happen to find to be a pretty cool human being.
DeleteAnon 9:39 pm: I'm not sure who any of the other anons on this topic are, but one can tell from your comment that you are also a woman and a bully to boot. "Needs to get laid" is about as bitchy and cruel as you can possibly get so I am jumping into the fray here to say you should take your own advice. You sound like a high schooler from Mean Girls.
DeleteSigned, Tracy from Brooklyn NY
I didn't want to criticize anyone calling me a cool person, but I'm not really a fan of the "needs to get laid" assessment either. Mostly because women who have mental problems may very well have it, in my experience, because they were the victim of sexual abuse or some other sort of malignant relationship with a man. maybe the original anon is just in need of a relationship with a kind, considerate man who love her no matter what her body type is.
DeleteAnon 9:39 here. Of course that's mean. It's intentionally mean. I'm being mean to a mean person. I see nothing wrong with that.
DeleteIf anyone is ever a jerk to me, or anybody else I respect, I will be a jerk to them.
Fizzy is in no way responsible for, or under any obligation to agree with me. I am clearly expressing myself here.
I stand on solid ground in my moral beliefs. People who get so incredibly defensive about themselves clearly are not. And if they are being insulting or rude, I WILL point this out. This always gets this type of person upset, which just proves my point.
Would I speak like this without the "anonymous" tag? No, not on the Internet.
Would I say what I just typed in person, to a face? Absolutely, and I have.
I don't tolerate rude behaviour if there's no reason behind it. And bringing "chemo" into a harmless debate is escalating it too far, and for no reason.
Yes, I'm skinny. Yes, I'm fit. Yes, I have an exotic accent. Yes, I watch what I eat. Yes, it takes effort and it's not easy. So how is it my fault that you're the fat one who can't lose weight? Or the skinny one who can't gain weight? It has NOTHING to do with me, and thus, insults are unnecessary.
Dear Fizzy: I realize this may lead to some angry comments. If you feel I am too outspoken, I will not be offended if you delete this. I will also not be offended if angry comments are made back at me. I'm a big girl (and yes, I do get laid), and I can handle it.
Would never delete any comment that is made in a rational and thoughtful manner.
DeleteThe problem with the "needs to get laid" assessment, is that it's insulting to all women. Basically, it's sort of implies that the only thing keeping us all from being ornery is a regular dicking.
Same anon... That made me laugh. I don't know why. But that was hilarious. "Regular dicking". Now I'm giggling uncontrollably. Ahem. Sorry, apparently I'm like 12.
DeleteOn a deeper thought, everyone - men, women, other animals - just want be wanted and loved. We don't NEED it to survive, but it makes life a lot better. So "getting laid" is particularly offensive because the underlying implication is, "you're not wanted." And that's why it's mean, and why people get upset.
And now that I've said that, I feel like that was a particularly mean thing to say. But that other anon really did make me THAT angry :(
Well now that you have retaliated by being an online bully yourself, congratulations, I hope you feel much better about yourself. Sad thing is I'm sure the original poster didn't mean for people to take things they way they were taken, but you certainly did, so who's the worse person?
DeleteBy the way, being proud of getting laid is a bit mental, sorry if saying that gets me censored but oh my gosh that is the most asinine thing in this whole set of comments.
There is way of attacking a person without directly attacking a person.
DeleteIf I am on a date with a woman who is "curvy" and I make a comment
about how good another woman looks who is much thinner, that is
an attack. I didn't do so directly, but the message is loud and clear.
Naturally, I would never do that. So, for the people who responded
with anger to this thread, I can only assume that they felt attacked.
Sometimes we personalize things even when we're not the intended
target. Does that sound familiar to anyone? I'm definitely guilty.
Rather than personalize it, maybe it's better to tell oneself that this person is in terrible psychic pain to attack me this way and not respond
in kind.
If in the midst of your own pain, you can stand outside yourself
and feel another person's pain, you will have achieved the greatest victory of all: the victory over oneself. - Paul
PS. If this comment is offensive to anyone or deemed inappropriate,
feel free to delete it.
I don't believe in shaming people, period. And if there are people who will shame you for your hair, shame on them ! To intentionally hurt someone, especially when they have no control over it, is violating them, plain and simple. As for shaming skinny, I don't believe your intentions are bad. However, if I'm not mistaken, there was a thread with respect to Body Mass Index (BMI). I believe there was a bit of bragging going on there. Perhaps some of the "not so skinny" folks took exception
ReplyDeleteto that.
Word.
DeleteIf you can find a thread where I was actually bragging about my BMI, please show it to me. I think the more accurate situation with that I said what my BMI was, in a factual way because it had just been presented to me in a doctors office visit and I was trying to figure out why I was always so cold, and that was quickly construed as bragging. If I made the exact same post, substituting a low BMI with a high BMI as an explanation for being hot, I would not have to change a word of the post and nobody would've thought I was bragging.
DeleteI think there's a lot of shaming of being who are overweight. It may be hard for heavier
ReplyDeletepeople to sympathize with the skinny ones who might be shamed too. After all, when you tell someone they're too skinny, it's said as a compliment. "Oh, you're too skinny" they say with a smile in their voice. However, the opposite never happens. The looks of disdain, the feeling that you're being judged harshly, the stares you get when you're not doing anything to hurt anyone else. So, while I
understand you're not bragging about being skinny, understand the pain for
the people who are not blessed with skinny genes.
I totally understand that, but all I am saying is that online especially, people seem to be actually angry at me whenever I mention my weight in even the most innocent way. in that sense, I am truly being judged negatively for my weight. I've learned never ever to mention it on here, unless I want to provoke a long discussion. (And hopefully not mean comments). As I said, it doesn't happen in real life, because people can tell that I am not obsessed with looks.
DeleteI think it's sad that it's such an anger provoking topic. Because I barely notice weight in people I know in real life.
When someone tells me how skinny I am, I don't take it as a compliment because I know that person probably hates me.
DeleteFizzy, even if you were obsessed with looks, it's your right to feel proud of yourself. Everyone is responsible for their own well being, just because someone else overeats you don't have to feel bad about yourself.
DeleteYou shamed a gal on chemo? WTF?
ReplyDeleteSorry. I wasn't aware of the rule that if somebody has had chemo, you then have to agree with everything they say, and are not allowed to have any sort of discussion with them. Because anything you say can be shot down with "well at least you're not on chemo."
DeleteI find it really horrifying for anyone to say that it's better to be sick on chemo and lose weight then to be healthy and overweight. That makes me really sad. We live in a really sick society if that's the case.
That's not what I said, Fizzy. Good job mischaracterizing what I said. Anon, thank you for the support.
DeleteIt's exactly what you said. And I wasn't shaming. I was just pleading with you to be nice.
DeleteNope, not what I said at all. And your "really surprised" comment is just code for "you are flat-out WRONG" so just stop.
DeleteFizzy, I can't tell you the number of times someone has said to you that you said "X" and you argued that you did absolutely did not say "X". In fact, they usually say "it's exactly what you said" (sound familiar?) and you stubbornly deny, deny, deny that there is more than one way to interpret what you said, and that you most certainly did not say "X". So now you are taking Anon's comment and characterizing it as X, Anon says you are wrong, and you are behaving the exact same way by insisting Anon doesn't know what s/he meant to say, but you certainly know what s/he meant to say. So if others cannot tell you how your words come across, you shouldn't do the same thing to others. Otherwise, talk about being a walking contradiction.
DeleteAnd this is where you frustrate and lose people. Like others have said, you are always right and everyone is always wrong. So there never really is a debate, you set things up to be a fight and if no one agrees with you, the problem is always with them.
And you have certainly said things that have hurt people's feelings, whether you meant to hurt their feelings or not, but you rarely seem to acknowledge that.
So here's where you will once again probably start denying that you can ever be rightfully criticized, and I for one am tired of hearing it (and it finally stopped raining out so I want to take a walk and enjoy the warm weather), so I am going to sign off for the day.
Sometimes you say really thoughtful and insightful things, which is why I continue to read your blog. Especially since it seems like I spend more times with doctors dealing with my medical problems than I do with regular laypersons, and you guys are a complete mystery to me, in terms of how myopically your view things, and frequently, so I actually benefit from reading your blog because I learn a lot about you guys and I also learn a lot about myself.
But sometimes you say things that people have a right to be upset about or disagree with, and it is not a crime for them to have a different opinion or to be offended by what you say.
Peace to you all.
I genuinely apologize if I offended you in anyway. It was completely unintentional. I just find nausea to be the most unpleasant sensation there is, and it honestly did surprise me that you would choose to be nauseated and skinny rather than healthy and overweight. But that is my opinion, obviously. If being overweight is so much of a stigma, maybe that is a reasonable decision to make.
DeleteIt's almost funny if it wasn't sad.. You're all on the same side and yet you're fighting with each other. I think the woman with the chemo is saying that there is such a stigma for being overweight that she's glad she didn't have to suffer that too ! To the chemo gal, I'm sorry for your pain. My mother had to stop chemo herself. As for Dr. Fizzy, she's feisty and very opinionated but she has a good heart. I think a few feathers got
Deleteruffled unnecessarily. Let's all be friends again. - Paul
"But it's obvious from some of the comments above that even fully grown women are very sensitive about their appearance"
DeletePot, meet kettle.
In general, when somebody apologizes, the polite and adult thing to do is to acknowledge it rather than to continue mocking them and other commenters.
DeleteI agree with you Dr. Fizzy. It's hurtful when a person apologizes, in all sincerity, and it's not acknowledged. Perhaps the other person "left
Deletethe room" before reading your apology. Perhaps the person was too
embarrassed or in too much pain to respond in kind. It's to your credit
that you were able to offer it. Sometimes others can't. - Paul
Thank you for this post. It's nice not worrying about being overweight, but I would take having to watch what I eat over not being able to eat any day. I'm constantly dizzy, weak, and tired, and I've nearly passed out in the middle of work more times than I'm willing to admit. I know it's because I'm not eating enough, but I can't stomach that much food, and when I'm stressed out I'm often too nauseated to eat at all. Those days are the worst because that's usually when I need my energy the most. Oh, and it's nearly impossible to find clothes that fit, so I have to constantly be careful not to expose myself when I bend over because my clothes gap open. And I can't talk about it with anyone without getting shamed.
ReplyDeleteWhat gets me is that most of the people who make these comments to me are normal weight. They talk about needing to lose weight, which confuses me because I think they look great. I could understand a truly obese person complaining about how hard they have it, but most people who say this really don't have a problem. They're the ones who have it easy in my opinion because they don't have to worry so much about health problems, they just have to be more comfortable with their own size.
I just don't understand why a song that is ostensibly about feeling good about your body has to simultaneously include derogatory remarks about how unattractive thin people are. WTH? Also objectionable in that song is the assertion that it's good to carry a bit more weight because that's more attractive to men. How about it's fine to be big and it's fine to not be big and we should love ourselves regardless of what men think.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with the above commenters that it's impossible for a thin person to really understand how badly people treat overweight people. It's similar to how people who have never been poor can't really understand what it's like to be poor. That being said, there are good and bad people of all sizes and all income levels.
YES. THIS.
DeleteBut it's not a song about feeling good about your body. It's a song intentionally written a certain way so the artist can make a shit load of money. It was never meant to be a commentary about how fucked up our society is when it comes to personal appearances.
DeleteWhen I was a preteen, I was skinny, but I was really awkward physically, and I basically faced non-stop insulting commentaries about my appearance. Every inch of me was picked on. They couldn't say that I was fat, but my butt was too small, my boobs were too small, my teeth were crooked, my hair was too frizzy, just to name a few. Every Single day for years, I got to hear about how imperfect I was. And it was horrible. My self-esteem is permanently damaged from that.
DeleteI may not be an overweight woman, but I believe I truly understand that we need to take the focus away from imperfections in women's appearance. all young girl should be made to feel good about themselves physically.
My mother used to say, "Walk gently, people are suffering."
DeleteIn response to your comment about your growing up years, I'm sorry for
the pain you had to endure. I felt every word. Now, I'm going to listen to some music, try to relax my mind and then go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, better than this one. - Paul
"Walk gently, people are suffering."
DeleteLove it. What an wonderful mentality for your mom to teach her child!
Thank you PGYx for the acknowledgment. That was very kind of you. - Paul
DeleteAmen!!!!!!!
DeleteAMEN!!! I have no problem acknowledging that bigger people pbb experience more? (although how does one really compare) shaming, insults, etc., I really resent how completely cool our society is as a whole with insulting skinny people. I liked the song at first, but each time I heard that "bitches" part I just got more and more upset. And there was no controversy at all about it. If someone said "tell them fat bitches that," it'd be a shitstorm! 100%! And there must be a zillion songs about booty right now, which also make me sad, but at least they're not calling me a bitch! Unreal.
ReplyDeleteEww to the argumentative discussions above;).
ReplyDeleteI can't help but remember how my very skinny sister used to cry as a teen every single night and keep praying to God to help her gain weight.
Mu family from paternal size are really huge-Dad included- and that was mainly the source of her distress.
Some community shame the skinny!
That being said, I think it is up to the person to take in what other people say. Why to pay attention to someone who define you by your weight rather than your character and personality. I know it is not easy. But one need to keep talking to self and solidify their belief. I think that is more realistic than trying to change the world.
It would be wonderful if women could be that strong. But it's obvious from some of the comments above that even fully grown women are very sensitive about their appearance, not to mention young women. And the issue isn't about weight. It's about women and weight. Nobody shames overweight men.
DeletePeople definitely shame overweight men too, it's just that the BMI at which this starts for men is much higher.
DeleteI love your description as being a " nice geeky girl with a weak stomach." My mom is tiny like you and really struggles to eat. She's been criticized by my brother for being anerexic, but that's not the case. She is well aware of how thin she is, but her stomach doesn't tolerate large meals. We do need to stop judging women for their physical size. -Mary in Minneapolis
ReplyDeleteAha! So this blog isn't about shaming skinny women. It's about the double standard !
ReplyDeleteNow it all makes sense. This is displaced anger and you're taking it out on each other.
Perhaps apologies are needed for all concerned.
I apologize if I unintentionally hurt someone's feelings in trying to state my opinion. that was genuinely not my intention and I don't know what I said wrong, but I know this is a sensitive topic so I will apologize preemptively. My opinion is simply that instead of writing a song about how it's better to be fat because boys like that better and skinny girls are bitches, it would be a nicer message to say that being fat is good too and not saying something negative about other body types.
ReplyDeletethe thing is, meghan trainor doesn't want to be a barbie doll, but besides her weight she looks exactly like one.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, she's gorgeous! Not really all that overweight either.
Deleterelevant: http://www.reddit.com/r/fatlogic
ReplyDeleteHoly crap........Fizzy, piss on those that are offended....if you don't like her blog then don't read it, maybe a cupcake would make you feel better (wait was that insensitive???). For that matter, who cares what I think? Maybe some people should ask themselves why they care so much what one person thinks. She has the right to state her opinion on whatever the hell she wants.
ReplyDeleteFizzy I have been reading your blog since med school and I love it!!!! I don't give a crap what you look like, your funny as hell. There are days, like today, when I have a young pt die in the ED from overwhelming illness that I really appreciate your humor. Love the blog, haters can suck the sepsis stick!
That's a very good point. I'm not sure why that one person is so worked up that I disagree with them.
DeleteGood lord. TLDR. I read 75% of the above. You really can't talk to women about weight in any reasonable way is what I am taking away from this post.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you fizzy, I would rather be happy and fat than nauseated all day and skinny. I've been in a situation where I couldn't swallow for 4 days and the maddening sensation of thirst almost drove me crazy.
However, I have never been truly obese, so I cannot purport to know both sides from experience.
I'm sorry if anybody has been made to feel bad about their skinny or fat body habitus. Lets be kind to each other as fellow human beings.
Thanks,
Jeff
I've been thinking about this and I think part of the problem is that there are some people who love judging other people, and weight is a very visible thing that is easy to judge people on because it seems like it might be something that could be changed. And it's also something people are sensitive about, which makes it all the worse. Now that I am a mother, I have noticed that people love to judge me on my mothering decisions, which is obviously also something I am sensitive about.
DeleteIn summary, I think women need to stop judging other women. At least, they should keep their mouths shut about it.
I have never found Megan Traynor's song to be particularly empowering. On the surface, it seems like it should be about body acceptance, when in actuality, it's simply about larger (and, I may add, conventionally pretty) women being more attractive to men than those with other body types. I think the name of the song should be changed to "All About Male Gaze." Yeah, I totally admit to being a grumpy feminist :-)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter was watching a different video by Megan Traynor this morning, and honest to God, she doesn't even look overweight. Is the message that if you are hot and blond, and only slightly above normal weight, men like that better? That's not the best message I can think of.
DeleteI'm overweight (actually obese, if you want to get really technical about it, and I've weighed as much as 300 pounds in the past), and I find that Megan Traynor song incredibly offensive. We need to stop the body shaming and judging women on their looks and their size period. We are valuable as human beings regardless of how sexually attractive people find us, regardless of our weight, and regardless of how healthy or unhealthy or whatever else we are. Our weight and health status are just not anyone else's business, and all of the shaming and judging just needs to shop.
ReplyDeleteInteresting discussion about nausea as well. I have some chronic medical problems, and I've gone through periods where I've lost a significant amount of weight either due to medication making me constantly nauseated or due to my symptoms flaring up and making me puke all the time. And people compliment me on my weight loss when that happens and tell me I look so good! It's ridiculous that there is so much emphasis on size. I'm definitely a lot happier when I'm a little bigger but I have energy and I can eat without puking than I am after a few months of puking my guts out and subsequently being able to wear smaller pants.
-Some random doctor
At the risk of inciting hate (and without any hint of shaming folks who carry more weight), I'm so grateful to be slender. Is that offensive to others? It is easier to be thin, even if I do have a hard time finding clothes that fit as things can always be taken in and hemmed. I like being able to fit in small spaces and in airline seats, which sadly are just my size. I have traded airplane seats to increase the comfort of two morbidly obese strangers who the airline placed together.
ReplyDeleteI eat a healthy plant-based diet and need never count calories as a result. I did gain the college freshman-15 (a lot for someone as short as me) in just 2 months eating a standard american diet before I went vegetarian more than a decade ago. I've kept my muscle and curves but weigh less than I did in high school, and I'd say credit goes more to my healthy diet than to genes. I have several morbidly obese family members who got and stayed that way eating meat and potatoes with minimal legumes and non-creamed-form green vegetables. I would never want that for myself if I could avoid it.
I am naturally skinny and also a vegetarian. I don't get offended when I hear songs about "booty" or see the very prevalent articles promoting "bigger" shapes (HuffPost has at least one per week). Why? Because I prefer to be skinny. It is still a more desirable body shape than "real woman shape" (nice euphemism). Of course, what's desirable is completely cultural and arbitrary but the fact remains that currently being skinny is desirable.
DeleteI wouldn't want to be called a "skinny bitch" but it wouldn't be the "skinny" part that I would find offensive.
It's the bitch part that's offensive to me as well.
DeleteI also gained the freshman-15 and felt awful. I couldn't fit into any of my clothes. Working out was too hard and actual work took too much time. At some point, a nurse asked me if I was pregnant. That conversation ended THAT era.
DeleteI now run whenever I can (so like, once a week); I also do basic workouts at home (so like five push-ups); and cook at home. It's work, but I like the results. And the only time I want to be asked if I'm pregnant is if I'm ACTUALLY pregnant. Like, 8 months pregnant.
Wait though isn't the next line after the bitch comment something about she's just kidding and then she says how every inch of you is perfect? I thought that meant the skinny folks, too.
ReplyDeletethat's like saying "no offense BUT" "sorry, not sorry" etc. - why say it at all when you don't mean it? It just comes off as really rude, and most of the time people know very well that the statement they are about to make is hurtful.
DeleteI had an eating disorder. Nowadays I prefer not giving an f- about how I look.
ReplyDeleteThat's a lot of pain you just shared. I believe at one time you did care how
Deleteyou looked, but now you don't. If it's not too personal, what happened to
make you feel this way?
I suppose, it developed because I felt like I was ugly and weak on the inside, and I couldn't bear to look also ugly and weak on the outside. I wanted to hide all that badness, visually, because if I didn't look sexy or attractive, then I feared I would drive people away. And I was desperately lonely and I wanted friends, I wanted lovers. Weirdly I would tell myself over and over that I knew that appearance was superficial and it was personality that counts, but there was the belief "Well, just to be sure, I'd better exercise obsessively, I'd better throw up..." I'm not sure how it went away but I would think it's down to a combination of getting more confidence in my identity, growing older (and less neurotic!) and medication. I do still have my dark times, yet they matter less now that I'm 30 than when I was 20. I still see celebrity culture everywhere glorifying youth and sexiness and having both big curves and yet a teeny tiny waist... I still like to look or feel attractive, who doesn't? I just know it's not possible to live up to that ideal, and so what? Everyone has their own unique look that only they can pull off.
DeleteYou're a very wise young lady and sensitive too. As you rightfully
Deletepointed out, it's hard, at times, to dismiss society's false values
when instinctively you know them not to be true. On the one hand,
we all want to "fit in" but not lose ourselves in the process.
Personally, I think you're coping better than you give yourself
credit for, " more confidence in my identity." Bombarded by
these images everyday, it's a wonder more women are not
"crazy" from it all. Someone once said, " Everyone has their
own unique look that only they can pull off." Bingo!
You are a beautiful person with a unique look that no one else shares.
That is your gift from God. Believe it or not, there is a person out there
who is struggling too and wants to meet you. Don't worry, you'll find
each other. In the meantime, keep fighting the good fight. - Paul