The other day, I saw a patient who used to be a teacher, and I mentioned that my daughter was in the same grade she used to teach. We got to talking about it, and she asked me a bunch of questions about my daughter, who I of course always love to talk about.
Years ago, I remember reading an article about how doctors shouldn't discuss non-medical things with patient. It cited as an example a doctor and patient who got so caught up discussing the doctors recent trip to Europe that they forgot to discuss one of the patient's medical issues. I obviously really took that article to heart, and I try not to discuss my personal life with patients.
But patients seem to want to discuss me, for some reason. At the end of a visit, when I ask the patient if they have questions, about a third of the time, it's a personal question about me. (Often it's asking me if my hair is naturally curly.)
Is it wrong to discuss your personal life with a patient?
I feel MUCH more comfortable with my physicians if I know something about them. Before surgery I always asked if they had a good breakfast, a good night's sleep, and if everything is good on the home front. It gives me a lot more confidence in them if I know they are indeed human.
ReplyDeleteAMEN!
DeleteNothing it wrong with it, provided no boundaries are crossed. Light conversation about vacations, kids, holiday plans brings the relationship down to a more personal level. This creates a bound between provider and patient and helps the patient feel more comfortable. I've been with by primary and ob for almost a decade and my ob delivered both of my kids! Of course I want to know what you're cooking for Thanksgiving or how your trip to the beach was!!! What I don't want to know is if you're having marital problems or that you drink a bottle of wine every night. That's a totally different relationship.
ReplyDeleteThank you. That being said, good gracious, I don't want a FB or Twitter buddy. If you are really really interested in X hobby as I am, that is one thing. You know that is like you would meet any one interested in that hobby and happened to have the medical relationship. Otherwise, with all due respect, lets be friendly but please have some boundaries. I think Anon here put it right with the right "mix".
DeleteI think we patients always want to "humanize" our physicians and now that I think of it, all of mine are very chatty on non-medical issues. Yesterday, I learned that my male orthopedic surgeon, married to a pediatrician, does 90% of the family cooking. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteI think we patients always want to "humanize" our physicians and now that I think of it, all of mine are very chatty on non-medical issues. Yesterday, I learned that my male orthopedic surgeon, married to a pediatrician, does 90% of the family cooking. I loved it!
ReplyDeleteThere was a Usmleworld question in which the doc shared personal details with the patient. But this was viewed as bad behavior on the doc's part.
ReplyDeleteI want a human as a doctor. Be friendly, but not my FB friend type. If we have something in common, yeah fine. Maybe we both like knitting or something or are going to take a crafts class. That's fine. Chat on that. I am concerned about doctors crossing the line because I dont want it to interfere with the medical relationship. That is different for different people, the "line" or "boundaries" so it is a juggle with each one.
ReplyDeleteI wonder about this, too, and feel that it makes the interaction better & relationship smoother when there is a brief chat about personal topics. Particularly with patients who I've been seeing for years, they ALWAYS ask about my kids, since they've been with me through 2 pregnancies. I almost feel rude, just saying "oh they're fine. Now what brings you in today". I think they feel rebuffed in their attempt to be friendly, if I don't mention something about Halloween or starting kindergarden or something. Recently I had someone compliment a shirt I was wearing & ask where I got it, and it just diffused the otherwise tense visit to have 60 seconds of girly chat about current trends in fashion...
ReplyDeleteWell it totally depends on your personality. I rotated with an oncologist who seemed to be on a "when we hanging out?" basis with half his patients and was absolutely beloved. He's just that kind of character. I know he has boundaries but he doesn't act like it. Pillar of the community type, looks like a pirate, often plays one at the community theater.
ReplyDeleteMe, I'd be intensely anxious about that stuff. Just follow your heart but good lord there's nothing wrong with chatting. The people who don't want a human doctor aren't gonna bring that stuff up, so I guess I'd say follow their lead since the customer is always right... :)
I guess my favorite anecdote was him discussing how much Trump sucks with two nuns. They certainly didn't mind, hell, they brought it up!
DeleteI often read medical blogs where docs don't understand why patients don't get their human (get sick, have the same family stuff as others, etc.)? So by opening up the communication w/in reason is appropriate in my opinion! I just fired a new doctor because in two visits four weeks apart I knew her son was in an anti-depressant, her daughter won't wear her medical alert bracelet @ 27, her medication allergies, what time she wakes up & much more! Several of my docs have been w/ me for 15-20+ years & in those situations there's more conversation! Do what feels right!
ReplyDeleteI think there are different levels of personal.
ReplyDeleteIf you buy your shoes at Payless and that comes up as a natural part of the conversation/interaction, then it would feel awkward not to talk about it. (That is, we would probably get uncomfortable pauses and so forth that I, as a patient, would be likely to fill in with negative interpretations or the conversation would get so pointedly redirected that I would conclude I'd said something inappropriate/stepped over a boundary I shouldn't have.)
On the other hand, if your mother was a paranoid schizophrenic and you're currently worried that you might be showing signs of mental instability yourself, I am almost certainly not the person you should be bringing these concerns to as you examine my badly twisted ankle.
A little common sense and gentle redirection if the interaction gets too far off track is probably the best way to go.
My feeling is that this is the patient's appointment, and although the money isn't directly coming out of their pocket, they are paying me a pretty good amount of money for 15 minutes of my time to discuss their medical problems. My rule of thumb is that if it would take longer NOT to talk about yourself, then just answer the question. However, you shouldn't bring it up or talk excessively.
ReplyDeleteFor example, if someone asks you if you have kids or if your hair is naturally curly, the only reasonable answer is "yes" or "no" (unless you are a psychoanalyst). What else are you going to say? "I don't discuss my personal life with patients?" "that's interesting that you ask that...why do you want to know?"
On the other hand, if someone asks you if you have naturally curly hair, and you go into a five minute story about different hair products you've tried, then that is inappropriate, boring, and a waste of your patient's time.
Light conversation, maybe, curly hair, maybe. People want to know you're human side. But NO personal details. Reason: former patient would quiz staff about where they grew up, family, etc. Then follow them to the parking lot later. He was hijacking the hospital wi-fi to surf porn, and following people to their cars whilst attempting inappropriate conversations. Had photographic memory and knew everyone's plate#s; looked them up on internet to find where we lived. So now, my official story is that I'm a travel nurse and I live with a marine who raises pit bulls.
ReplyDeleteI think light discussion is fine... But anything that you'd want to be talking about with a professional is probably best kept off the table. I'm new in practice, and the only one in my field in town, and ALL my patients know I'm new in town. About half of them have asked me where I grew up, how I'm liking their town, if I have a family, and so on. I keep it light, since most of my answers are public knowledge anyway - and a lot of them are hoping that I'm liking the town because they don't want to be without a doctor again!
ReplyDelete