Anatomy of a Brownie

Recently, I baked a tray of brownies. I put some on a plate for work, then left a few on a smaller plate to leave at home. My husband wandered into the kitchen while I was doing this.

Husband: "The ones you put on the plate for us to keep are all edge pieces!"

Me: "Right. Is that a problem?"

Husband: "The edge pieces aren't as good. They're not as chewy."

Me: "What are talking about??? The edge pieces are the best pieces!"

Husband: "I don't think you understand chocolate."

Me: "I don't think you understand chocolate."

I know I'm not alone on preferring the edge pieces. But I also once met a woman who told me that for years, when she made brownies, she actually threw away the edge pieces because she thought they were garbage. What a terrible, terrible waste!

I don't know

When I was in residency, an attending I wasn't even working with overheard me talking to a patient, and when the patient asked me a question that I didn't know the answer to, and I replied, "I'm sorry, but I don't know."

Afterward, the doctor took me aside and said, "you should never say you don't know."

"But I didn't know!" I protested.

"But you shouldn't say that."

I guess as doctors we are supposed to give the impression of knowing everything. All the time.

I object to this though.  I would rather be honest with a patient when I don't know something, rather than make something up or say some sort of mumbo-jumbo to avoid admitting that I don't know everything.

Let's get loud

A recent interaction I had with a patient:

Me: "Hello, Mrs. Patient! I'm Dr. McFizz! It's nice to meet you!"

Patient: "Oh my God, why are you screaming at me?"

I admit, I might have been talking a little bit loudly. What was worse, two other times when I was talking to the same patient, she had to ask me to stop yelling. I'm actually a fairly soft-spoken person, so I don't know how my default voice for patients has become yelling. It seems like I can't even control it anymore. I think it's probably because I work with an elderly population, and several times a day, I have this interaction:

Me: "Hello, Mrs. Patient! I'm Dr. McFizz! It's nice to meet you!"

Patient: "What did you say?"

Me: "I'M DR. MCFIZZ! IT'S NICE--"

Patient: "I can't hear a word you're saying."

Me: "I'M DR. MCFIZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Patient: "Can you help me find my hearing aid?"

And then we spend the next ten minutes searching for the hearing aid. Which never, ever works.

My mother vs the fire alarm

About a month ago, my mother apparently put some food in the stove and decided to take a nap. My stepfather, who was going out, suggested she not go to sleep while cooking, but my mother said, "Oh, I never actually fall asleep."

But she did fall asleep. My stepfather couldn't reach her and ended up having to call the doorman to enter the apartment to wake her up so the apartment didn't burn down.

When she was telling me about this, I said, "Why didn't the fire alarm go off?"

She said, "I don't have a fire alarm."

Yeah, why have a fire alarm?

My mother is very sensitive to noise, and apparently, the alarm was going off all the time, so she dismantled it. Now she refuses to get a new one, because she claims the noise will give her a heart attack before she burns down. It's driving me crazy that she won't get a fire alarm! And moreover, when I try to convince her, she acts like I'm being cruel.

She's not afraid of death. She's only afraid of noise. What can I do?

Opioids

I know there's an opioid epidemic that is apparently a leading cause of accidental death, so I wasn't entirely surprised when I got a call from Walgreens about a script I wrote for one week of narcotic for a patient to go home with.

I was like, fine, if Walgreens wants to call every single doctor to ask him about every single opioid prescription, let them do it. Maybe it's a good idea.

But then Walgreens started asking me questions about the patient. Like their diagnosis. And I felt a little uncomfortable giving that information out, so I didn't. Isn't it a violation of HIPAA for Walgreens to be asking me patient information? I don't know if I would want Walgreens to know all my medical information.

Review

If you read and enjoyed Brain Damage, please please please PLEASE with sugar on top consider leaving a positive review on Amazon.

Would be super grateful!

Fresh apple pie

Because it's nurses week, I bought a beautiful apple pie at the supermarket.

I happened to notice that although it's packed professionally, it comes in a pie tin that I would use to make a homemade pie. After I noticed that, the temptation to remove all the outer packaging, mess up the crust a little, cover it with tin foil and pass it off as homemade has become overwhelming.

I shouldn't do that.

Or maybe I should....

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On an unrelated note, Brain Damage is now available in paperback. For those of you who love the feel and smell of paper, for some reason.

Also, if you read and enjoyed the book, please consider leaving a review!

Richard Gere and the hamster

Recently, my 65-year-old mother called me up and said: "Guess what! I discovered the most amazing actor ever!"

Me: "Who?"

Mom: "His name is Richard Gare."

Me: "Richard Gere?"

Mom: "Yes!"

Me: "How is it possible that you're just discovering him now? He's been famous since, like, the 80s."

Mom: "Well, I knew who he was. But I didn't know how wonderful he was!"

Apparently, she watched some movie called Primal Fear and now she's in love with Richard Gere (who she keeps calling Richard Gare). Anyway, I told this story to my husband.

Me: "How could she not know who Richard Gere is! He's so famous."

Husband: "He was the one in Pretty Woman, right?"

Me: "Yes, and he was married to Cindy Crawford."

Husband: "He was?"

Me: "Yes! How do you not know that?"

Husband: "The only thing I know about Richard Gere is about how he put that hamster up his butt."

Me: "What??"

Husband: "You haven't heard that story?"

Me: "No..."

Husband: "It's pretty well known. That's probably what most people think of when they think of Richard Gere."

Me: "I really don't think so."

Husband: "Yes. If you asked a group of guys, I bet that would be the first thing that most of them would say about Richard Gere."

Me: "That's definitely not true."

But apparently, it is true. Thanks for proving me wrong.

So now settle another argument:

Is the term "amazeballs" more likely to be said by a man or a woman?

Richard Gere

Help me settle an argument with my husband.

If you had to name only ONE FACT that is most well-known about Richard Gere, what would it be? Also, state your gender in your answer.

New Book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm proud and excited to announce the release of my newest (and possibly final) book, Brain Damage.

Buy it now on Amazon!

From the back cover:

After years of hard work, Dr. Charly McKenna finally has it all. Prosperous career as a dermatologist? Check. Spacious apartment overlooking Central Park? Check. Handsome lawyer husband? Double check.

Then one night, a bullet rips through the right side of her skull and she loses everything.

As Charly struggles to recover from her brain injury, she begins to realize that the events of that fateful night are trapped in the damaged right side of her brain. Now she must put the jigsaw pieces together to discover the identity of the man who tried to kill her... before he finishes the job he started.


If you want to read an excerpt, go here.

Or just buy it now! It's only $2.99! What have you got to lose? (Aside from $2.99.)