Tuesday I sat through another hard sell for weight loss surgery. I'm so done.
weary of doctors who won't hear my "no" and plow ahead extolling the
virtues of procedures I have already investigated and decided are not
for me. I would be at high risk of suicide if I allowed myself to be
bullied into this. (That is not true for most people but would be for
Today I felt calm enough to respond via email. To be
sure, I responded plenty in the moment but everything I said was ignored
or argued with and the doctor just kept going. My husband was present
and he was shocked--as a fat man himself his doctors bring things up and
then drop it if he says no. I talked with him about how hard it is to
turn around and look for another doctor because I don't even know how
THAT doctor will handle the sensitive issue of weight. If there's one
thing I'd wish of doctors is that they come to appreciate how we've
already survived a lifetime's worth of assaults on our self esteem based
on our weight. Unless they've been there I don't know how easy that is
to understand--but I wish they'd try.
I sent the following to Doctor M:
Subject heading was "Boundaries."
understand that all doctors will discuss weight with their fat
patients. I expect that it will be brought up. What I did not expect was
the hard sell on weight loss surgery after I repeatedly indicated that I
was not remotely interested in it and had firmly decided it was not for
me for many reasons. You continued for something like 20 minutes AFTER I
indicated that. But what is dangerous to my well being and survival was
that you did so after learning I had spent months being verbally abused
and was dealing with the resulting depression. Fortunately I've had
years of therapy and could deal with the hurt, shock and distress I felt
after having my boundaries violated.
It also concerns me that you'd dismiss the value of walking simply in relation to weight loss.
LOSS IS NOT A GOAL OF MINE. A Health at Every Size strategy of movement
and eating healthy food IS. Obesity research has demonstrated that 95%
of us regain. This is a feature not a bug.
Can you respect boundaries?