Tuesday, January 15, 2019

An apology?

I have this friend who I’ve known for several years, who I would consider one of my closest friends. But recently, she’s been acting a little bit… To put it simply, mean.  She’s been making some hurtful comments that have come out of nowhere, but I tried to ignore them because we were such good friends and I didn’t want to throw it away.  And I also sensed she might have been going through something she was keeping to herself.

Anyway, the two of us often carpool to book club together.  Because she doesn’t like to drive and has frequent issues with her car, I often pick her up and bring her to book club. It is in the opposite direction of the restaurant where we usually meet, so it’s an extra 20 minutes of driving for me in either direction, but I didn’t mind doing it and I never made a thing of it. And if I ever had an issue where I couldn’t drive, she would pick me up, but 90% of the time, I was picking her up.  Ditto when we got together to go elsewhere. 

Recently, I texted her to find out if she could be the one to drive to the next book club, because for reasons I don’t want to get into, I wasn’t sure if I was going to have my car available. She didn’t respond, so I sent her another couple of texts, thinking maybe she hadn’t seen my first text.

When she finally responded, she sort of blew up at me over text message. She told me I was selfish for asking her repeatedly to bring me to book club when she had been ill the last few days (which I didn’t know).  I showed her text messages to my husband, and he was totally shocked, especially given how many times I have driven her. After some of the complaints I had lately about her, he said that I shouldn’t speak to her anymore.

But after years of friendship, I felt I couldn’t do that. So I basically wrote her an email explaining to her nicely that what she had written had hurt my feelings and why. A day later, she responded:

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.  We will always be friends no matter what.”

That response really bothered me. Because she didn’t apologize, first of all. Saying she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings is not an apology. An apology involves the word “sorry.“ She didn’t even offer to drive me to the book club to make amends. Furthermore, I didn’t write to her to be reassured that we would be friends.  So the second statement was odd, especially considering it’s been weeks since then and I haven’t heard from her so I am feeling like if I don’t reach out, we are no longer friends.

What do you think? Did her response count as an apology?

Monday, January 7, 2019


A colleague of mine was recently asking me this question and I couldn't figure out how to answer it...

As doctors, filling out paperwork for patients and family to get Family Medical Leave is something we sometimes have to do.  My understanding (from the times I've done it for patients and taken it myself when I had a baby) is that it guarantees when you take no more than 12 weeks leave, your job will be safe.

My colleague was saying that if he discharges a patient to a nursing home or assisted living, he won't fill out FMLA paperwork for family members.  Because the patient isn't going home, so why do they need to take a leave?  They're taking advantage of the system!

I'm not sure how to respond.  This isn't like giving someone a handicapped placard.  This is an unpaid leave.  A lot of people can't even afford to take 12 weeks off without a salary.  So I figure if they want that, it's for a good reason.


Wednesday, January 2, 2019

I don't get it

I recently wrote a new women’s thriller. I thought of this really great twist for the ending, and then kind of worked my way backwards.

The first person who read the book thought the twist was pretty cool. But then my mother read it.

“I don’t understand the ending,” she said.

“What part didn’t you understand?”

“All of it.”

I proceeded to try to explain it to her. And she still didn’t understand. After several minutes of this, she said she had a headache and walked away.

So I’ve come up with a brilliant twist. So brilliant, apparently it’s impossible to understand.