I have this friend who I’ve known for several years, who I would consider one of my closest friends. But recently, she’s been acting a little bit… To put it simply, mean. She’s been making some hurtful comments that have come out of nowhere, but I tried to ignore them because we were such good friends and I didn’t want to throw it away. And I also sensed she might have been going through something she was keeping to herself.
Anyway, the two of us often carpool to book club together. Because she
doesn’t like to drive and has frequent issues with her car, I often pick
her up and bring her to book club. It is in the opposite direction of
the restaurant where we usually meet, so it’s an extra 20 minutes of
driving for me in either direction, but I didn’t mind doing it and I
never made a thing of it. And if I ever had an issue where I couldn’t
drive, she would pick me up, but 90% of the time, I was picking her up.
Ditto when we got together to go elsewhere.
Recently, I texted her to find out if she could be the one to drive to
the next book club, because for reasons I don’t want to get into, I
wasn’t sure if I was going to have my car available. She didn’t respond,
so I sent her another couple of texts, thinking maybe she hadn’t seen
my first text.
When she finally responded, she sort of blew up at me over text message.
She told me I was selfish for asking her repeatedly to bring me to book
club when she had been ill the last few days (which I didn’t know). I
showed her text messages to my husband, and he was totally shocked,
especially given how many times I have driven her. After some of the
complaints I had lately about her, he said that I shouldn’t speak to her
But after years of friendship, I felt I couldn’t do that. So I basically
wrote her an email explaining to her nicely that what she had written
had hurt my feelings and why. A day later, she responded:
“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. We will always be friends no matter what.”
That response really bothered me. Because she didn’t apologize, first of
all. Saying she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings is not an apology. An
apology involves the word “sorry.“ She didn’t even offer to drive me to
the book club to make amends. Furthermore, I didn’t write to her to be
reassured that we would be friends. So the second statement was odd,
especially considering it’s been weeks since then and I haven’t heard
from her so I am feeling like if I don’t reach out, we are no longer
What do you think? Did her response count as an apology?